A childhood relapse...

I love being one of the youngest employees at work. The insights of all the women here is so amazing and to see their struggles and how much they accomplished of themselves and with their children is mind blowing. Now some of them in their 40s and 50s refuse to do any dating and prefer to have one male friend (with benefits of course) and it made me think how did I become this twenty-something amazing women who is so set on finding the love of my life no matter how many frogs I have to make out with... cause seriously we all can read I just don't 'kiss'.

I remember...
standing on stage in preschool and announcing I was going to be a nurse... not exactly what I do today but pretty damn close.

standing on the 'wall' in 1st grade because this boy kissed me on the cheek on valentine's day and I hit him in the face and made him cry...

having my first 'boyfriend' in fifth grade after he used my Lisa Frank paper to ask me to the 5th grade dance...then breaking up at the dance only to start 'dating' his friend...

and another

and another...

dating a guy in 7th grade just to be able to date one of his friends... then finding out that the new guy re gifted a necklace he gave me.. so I cut it up at lunch and threw it at him

my first kiss and getting in trouble at 8th grade dances...

falling in 'love' for the first time in 9th grade with a guy some people would say takes a special person to stand...

Watching Before Sunrise, 16 Candles, Say Anything and When Harry Met Sally over and over again wishing every teenage boy was John Cusack

getting my heartbroken in cars...
having my trust broken in cars...

dating my best friend and never talking to him again...

going through crush after crush... hook up after hook up...

falling in love in college and finding out the guy I gave up everything too was cheating on me the whole time...

being in denial about falling for my best friend and putting a huge hole in the friendship...

which brings me up to today...
hoping, waiting... wishing the next time the phone rings...the text message sounds...the next email I receive I'll be done looking

so future husband if you are reading this... I am not dating for this blog I am dating to find you

I won't give up and I won't be in my 40s with a friend with benefits

Xoxo
**ME**

A second run-in...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

The Dimples... I am addicted to them and to him. A good addiction though.. one that makes me want to really get to know him. And that is like a breakthrough for me when it comes to guys I meet at bars.

I'm sipping on a simply wonderful mixed drink I lovingly call a Woo-Woo cause when you drink one to many... you feel like WOO WOOOOO. Anywayyy one of my besties and I are picking out some great music to play for the night when dimples walks in with... well a lesser attractive man we will call the pimp (as in pimple but i am trying to be kinda nice here). Anyways... I casually make my way over to say hello. He sees me with his dimples and that smile and I could go on but I won't...

As the night goes on he is looking for music to play and I go over and try to be cute by making fun of his selections... well it happens he has great taste (if it was still the early 90s) and he ends up making fun of me... forever thinking my favorite song is "Like a Virgin" by Madonna. We all know that is far from the truth...

anyway after throwing down a few drinks (literalllyyyy haha just kidding) with my girlie we decided to go over to another bar to see our friends. As I am leaving Mr. Dimples says he would really like if I would stay and watch him play pool... I say I would really like it if he came with.... it was like a test to see who was in control...

he was... he stayed...

So I am at the next bar a little upset... thinking maybe i should go back over and watch him play pool and we could come back here and.... stupid girl this is not a fairy tale. If he wants me to watch him play pool then he will come and get me I refuse to be someones puppy dog.

He came... to see me! Greeting each other with a kiss and talking... and watching his dimples and eyes they seemed to smile with his smile. they are dark and full of mystery and passion. We exchanged numbers and he kissed me goodnight...

what will become of dimples... and can they be trusted?

Xoxo
**ME**

movie dates...are awkward...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

After the mess of dates I had been on in the past month or so I decided to give the teacher another go around.

Movie dates... who ever thought they would be a good idea? Most of the time I end up just making out or hooking up with the guy anyway... unless in the theater. Come on people! I am bad but not that bad.

I could tell it was going to be awkward from the beginning...

What we talked about and I was expecting...
His house he was going to make dinner...wine...dine...watch a movie get our cuddle onnn ow owww

What happened...

Awkward hug hello... he had to pick up the pizza... fridge filled of Smirnoff ice and beer... no tv? That's right not one tv... instead... which I should have known was going to appear since he is a tech teacher... a projector that hooked into his cable box and lit up his entire wall. It was fascinating... the biggest big screen tv I ever saw....

So I asked for water (but I probably should have drank) and sat down on the couch with some pizza... he... sat down the couch from me. Which totally makes it completely awkward!

I can't stand when people do that.. I automatically start thinking do I smell? Maybe I eat funny... or chew too loud.. or slurp when I drink... Maybe he isn't interested anymore... or maybe he is just that awkward...

As the night progressed so did his movements towards me and my interest was dimming... was the movie over yet? I mean at least it was with Sammy L who is a brilliant actor...

More pizza...more water...

As the movie comes to an end he has another one... great another movie... he says think about it and goes to the bathroom... I think can I get my shoes on before he gets out of the bathroom? He comes out as I am putting them on...

guess that is for the night then?

Yea.. I am really tired but the pizza and movie were great. Thanks so much for having me over.

(notice I didn't say I had a wonderful time with you... or your great... or let's go to Vegas and get married)

And with that I went into the bathroom. Almost wishing I would have just left... I didn't have to pee that bad.. well okay I did but this awkwardness of the date was more on my mind then how I shouldn't have drank all that water (but I probably should have taken the beer).

I walked out the the bathroom and we talked a little before I left. He reminded me which way to go to get out of this neighborhood and then... then he reached into his pocket and pulled our a breathe freshener... A BREATHE FRESHENER! Like a seriously spray mouth freshener... even if he didn't have garlic it wouldn't have matter there would be no late night hook up. He walked to the door and I gave him a head turned hug that screamed you will not be kissing me tonight buddy...thanked him for everything and said it was good seeing him.

He said we should get together again sometime.

I responded with just give me a call...

I wanted to scream when I got in my car... not in the heartbroken tears running down my face scream but a relief that is it over this is going to be a blog worthy movie date experience...

that makes me wondering... am I dating this strange men to blog or am I blogging to find the right guy? I am going to have to go with the second one... however if I find the right guy what will I blog about?!

Alright I should get back to work now.

Xoxo

**ME**

Valentine's Day Massacre

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

February... a month that is for lovers, chocolate, roses, exciting dates, and happiness...

Enter my February... a month of disappointments so bare with me and I'll get this ball rolling!

At this time I was still talking to the divorced guy, Mr. Semi pro, the teachers, and trying to find ways to just 'run into' Mr. Dimples. The 34 year old is having an early mid life crisis... apparently me looking for someone to have an actual relationship with does not coincide with his looking for a fun hook-up. surprise...SURPRISE! Oh well... the other fine gentlemen as supposed to have dates this month.

Beginning of the month I went on a second date with the divorced guy... well guess it was more of a first hook-up. After meeting some friends for dinner at a new sports bar I gathered myself together and drove to his house.

*note to self... open toed shoes are sexy but not on icy nights*

Not much more then watching a movie... a tour of his house that ended in his bedroom and then his damn dog ran around the room with my bar. Seriously?! Future exes DO NOT HOOK UP with your dog still in the room... seriously! CREEPIEST experience ever! No one likes a cold nose, hot dog breathe and their bra being played with like a chew toy... I won't even start talking about the dog! ;)
I knew this was
1) the worst "date" ever
2) I probably wouldn't see the divorced guy again... even if he wanted to see me
Now the embarrassing part... because this is a tell all blog of course...
We were laying in his bed talking... and... I farted... HA! Seriously... I am so serious.. so he called me quacks and I ended the night. He still called me to let me know he had a great night. HA... ugh ladies nothing ends a bad date like a good fart... because everyone knows farts are funny!
But seriously... I am a classy lady.

Thennn there was valentines day... I spent it going to the bar with my best guy friend... awesome... some girls get flowers I took a few shots sang you oughta know and passed out in my own bed by myself...

Usually I am not that sad about the day. You know just another day... but then I thought about the surgical nurse who's birthday happen to be on valentines day. I missed him and it is had been hard for me to move on when my heart wouldn't let me. Funny how the nicest guy I had met so far also happen to make me cry the hardest as well...

The semi pro and I tried to see each other buttt the weather had other ideas... and I am not dragging my butt an hour to see someone who won't drive down to see me. So this could be it for the semi-pro... this can't be a one sided venture and if he isn't going to try I am not going to try either.

I also had a date with the teacher... but my dear friends it is almost 1am and I should really be sleeping!

Until tomorrow

Xoxo
**ME**

when did aim become a daytime booty call?!

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

I get home from work... exhausted...hungry...hot and once again exhausted. Not in the mood for male contact what so ever... all I want to do is start going to the gym again to feel better about myself...

and this is what i get

greytshirtguy (3:28:48 PM):	wannnnnnna get naked?
**ME** (3:29:30 PM):	i have a date with the gym
greytshirtguy (3:33:28 PM):	:( you never want to play whatever
**ME** (3:33:43 PM):	i gotta work on my fitnesss

Answered plain and simple because this is a brilliant blog entry. It is bad enough when a half witted, face only a mother could love manboy at the bar says this to you at 2am when you are the DD... BUT now we have to go through it at 3:30 in the afternoon?!

Rule:
this guy screams LOSER... and he is probably a Mets fan (just saying).

Rule 2:
IM History is AWESOME

Believe me... I almost wish I released the identities of some of these quality gentleman. But apparently I am too nice for that.

Xoxo
**ME**

When a relationship goes bad...

Hilarious discovery in Wal*mart by one of my besties on our search for "He's just not that into you"

I never want this card...however sad and yet insanely hilarious that a card such of this is in existence!

Troubled RelationshipI wish I could go back...
and not cheat on you
not lie to you
you're not my only baby mama
and cherish you
and care for you
and treat you with the utmost respect that any woman anywhere deserves

If you get this card... run.. FAR! Don't look back. Don't think aww he is changing because if you get all mushy over this card then when he comes the next time with a cute little build-a-bear with a recorded voice BECAUSE he messed up again...

Ladies... no one wants a cute bear that when you give it a little squeeze it says "at least you have this bear to hug"

Just saying... don't let it be you.

Xoxo
**ME**

Thanks to one of my besties for pointing out this card and to Wal*mart for carrying it!

Bar room romance

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

It is usually the nights I go out not looking for someone that somehow...some way they stumble into my lap or I fall into theirs. Clever right? I never saw him before and sadly I don't even know how we started talking, who introduced us, or at that point even his name. But I could remember his smile and how engaging it was the first time I saw it.

Speaking of engaging here are a few things that draw my attention and melt my heart...
a great smile
a phillies hat
dimples
nice arms
eyes
glasses
tall guys
currently guys over the age of 27

Back to the guy... who I will fondly call him Mr. Dimples. It was a late night out the girls and I were showing face at our favorite karaoke spot. When somehow above the music and the smoke and the drinking I saw Mr. Dimples and without skipping a beat went to talk to him... in the ever so attractive take me home with your sort of way. I turned around for a brief moment only to see that he was gone... scared away by my drunken friends.

Side note to my friends: you wouldn't scare away the physical therapist butttt you would scare away DIMPLES! okay enough of that I love you friends!

In a basic fit of panic, drunkenness, and because I just wouldn't let him leave... I weaved through the packed bar room to find him leaving. I introduced myself again and so did he... then I kissed him and said I would see him soon.

See him soon? No numbers where exchanged... I barely remembered his name... barely remembered if he was good looking or a figment of my imagination, but somehow I would see him again. I didn't think to much about it... although the encounter made for some pretty interesting stories the next day.

And I wondered... would I ever see him? Only time will tell....

Xoxo
**ME**

Me and my Sugar Daddy

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

It didn't take me long after the date with semi-pro and the divorced guy to get back in my dating groove. I put up new pictures, updated my info, and started once again to weed out the emails. I started talking talking to an army veteran who recently moved back from being based up north. We began talking just after the new year. He had something my other manventures had lacked... no I am not talking about a crazy sex drive or millions of dollars. He knew how to really communicate like not via four words in text i.e. how you doin babe? It could have been because this guy was 34 and just on the cusp of turning 35...which also happens to be my age cut off for all you sugar daddy's out there.

Conversation with the 34 year old was different then with the teacher. Now the teacher was really dry and I guess I was a little afraid to be myself around him...since all his other 'dates' were dumb and had no direction in life. I have a goal in life but I know I won't acheive it tomorrow... I like to do one step at a time instead of running up them like Rocky pumping my fists in the air.

We choose coffee (of course) as our first meeting. May I add this is the same coffee spot I went with the teacher and the level 10 clinger... the workers must think I am on work meetings because they are never flirty or intimate. I arrived at the coffee shop/bookstore early...figured I could make a run for it if he was nothing that I thought he would be...buttt like a good military man he was there even before I got there. He was good looking... a baby face for a 34 year old in a plaid shirt and baseball cap (that I could only believe was covering his receeding hair line). We stood in line for coffee and bought our own...what a first 'meet'... good thing I stopped at the bank before hand and didn't spend all my money on books! I've been getting very used to the manventures paying for my drink or meal...hmmm interesting.

He picked the biggest table that could probably fit like 4 people with room to spare and we sat directly across from eachother... yeah, that didn't feel like the most awkward interview ever

what I found out...

• He is a Mets fan (why meeee)
• A patriots fan (again whyyyy)
• His girlfriend of 7 years broke up with him in a letter while he was in Iraq
• His car just broke down and needs a million repairs
• He slept around a lot while in the service (not surprised)
• He carries a bottle of water with him everywhere because he is scared of being dehydrated
• He discussed going out with me with his brother-in-law (because of the age difference)

I liked him but wasn't feeling it... He made me feel young and like I didn't really live life yet... which is partially true. And I slowly got the feeling that as I was there looking to find the man of my dreams he was there to find the women of the night. Flattering...yes. What I was looking for? Not so much... at least not that day.
Hug. Goodbye.
Him: Can I see you again?Me: Yeah, why not
But, I had a strange feeling it wouldn't happen... would I be upset? For some reason yes...probably because I know that I am that awesome. Oh well... maybe I just like dating too much!
Next please!
Xoxo
**ME**

Not so 'hot' for teacher

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The one thing I learned in high school (besides the normal reading, writing and mathematics) was what rooms were home for the fresh out of college hot male teachers.

Teachers... the single ones... that use dating sites; are sophisticated, intelligent and overall can hold a conversation. Well, at least through email. In person they are awkward and whiney and judging...

Well... while I was still 'with' the surgical nurse I began talking to a teacher. Harmless and if anything we started to form a bond. Once the surgical nurse... well I moved on to bigger and better things the teacher and I finally were able to go on our first date. A rather simple choice out for dinner and then if it goes well for some drinks/coffee.

He was adorably awkward and still had a slight cold which made his technical talk of computers even dorkier... The restaurant was loud, busy and they sat us by the bar. Conversation was... well I wouldn't write home about it. We did end up going out for some coffee after, a quieter atmosphere. He had... tea while I of course had coffee.

A sign, I should note; that things may not work out...
Coffee is my lifeline… one cup in the morning before work, during work and almost always after dinner. Ever since my first job at 15 I have been downing the amazing drink as if I was to not have it well I might as well not be able to function. Some people have blood coursing through their veins… my veins... well they are coursing with coffee. The point is I need a man that can handle coffee.

His conversation and demeanor was rather dull… well maybe that is an understatement. I think a lot had to do with him not feeling well, but at least I had my coffee.
Who knows if there will be a second date with this guy… I am just going to roll with the punches. Besides I have another coffee date coming up before the end of the week.

Xoxo
**ME**

Fairy Tales

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

There is something to be said about wanting a story book ending. The prince, once kissed turns back into a frog and that evil witch really just wanted to save you from the biggest mistake you can make.

My recent lapse in blogs wasn't because I met someone but that motivation wasn't there... Sick of the same old one date wonders. Tired of making myself think the second date will be better.

But then recently a guy emailed me and said that night he was going on a potentially horrible date. I don't want to ever get to that point. First dates are fun, exciting, nerve wrecking and always a new lesson. I told him not to give up on all the bad dates because they will...in turn... Make that one date absolutely perfect.

I'm not embracing bad dates...just the idea that the perfect date can't be that far away.

Xoxo
**ME**