Inspiration

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 


I am currently watching Julie & Julia and strangely enough it made me want to blog. And even tho the movie deals with cooking but also finishing things you started. Every time I meet someone new on my manventures; no matter how it turns out in the end, I learn something about myself. 


So for now I keep trying. dating, searching... but I guess first I need to either follow my head or my heart. 


Here we go again... hmmm 

What dating site should I try next? Ideas?


XOXO
**ME**

Try…try again

November 5, 2010
Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 


I've been MIA for awhile… I am aware. I wish I could tell you all I am madly in love and ready to settle down and begin a new chapter of my life, but that would be a lie. The truth is… I have been caught in "love"… or is it lust. Regardless, once again my heart is in the hands of the less deserving and I have let great opportunities slip out of my hands.

Last night a gorgeous and I mean GORGEOUS guy was at the bar. My type? You are about to find out. He was tall but not ow my neck hurts tall but perfectly tall for me (of course to wear heels or flats). He had amazing eyes, brown hair and was wearing a flannel. Oh and he has these sideburns… OH GAWDDDD the sideburns! The man had SEX written all over him. 


Now I am out of practice with this… and by out of practice I mean caught in the clutches of a man who will never love me back (this will all be explained) for the last almost 11 months. Ugh… that just sounds depressing! So back to the bar guy… who I will call John Cusack Jr (YUM)… he appeared to be alone. But, not alone in a sad drowning his sorrows in alcohol kind of way; he was just enjoying the atmosphere. It was almost like he may be new in town. So with a little liquid courage and a push from my best friend I had the bartender buy him his next beer (on me). He smiled a killer smile and I figured I would wait it out a little… see what became of the night. With some more coaxing from my girlfriends I just about mustered up the courage to talk to him when the bartender came over and asked me what I wanted to drink cause my mystery man was buying one for me!  I saw a short time after he was heading to the bathroom and I figured I would be able to run to the bathroom and make it back in time to finally get to talk to John Cusack Jr. But… when I returned I noticed nothing but a half full beer and mystery man was nowhere in sight. 


This was just one of the many chances I had in the past 11 months to find someone who may be just as interested in me, as I was in him. 


Alas, here I am, sitting across from a man who will never really care or love me as much as I do him. And yet, I am content; to some extent at least. 


You can paint your own picture or you can wait for my next blog


XOXO

**ME**


 

I give up, I give in, I let go, let’s begin

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

I had started this blog almost two years ago in the hopes that by now I would have found the man of my dreams. Unfortunately that has not happened. Lately when I am home, I watch sad love movies and fall asleep wondering if this is how life will be forever. Of course, I know it will not be.

So let me catch you all up to date... and then some.

XOXO
**ME**

Baseball and a beer

So my friends i am back... baseball and a beer or be it whatever it is. The fact is... i'm sitting at a bar watching the san fran giants game and waiting for my love monkey to stop playing poke.

love monkey? you may ask yourself... it can't be that the infamous serial blogger/internet dater has crossed over to never returning. it's been up and downs.. no doubt more ups than downs. No relationship is perfect and well perfection take the fun out of things.

We met almost 9 months ago. He's big-mouthed, annoying, a drunk, gambler, and smartest man in the whole world. Frankly, i can't see my life without him. He makes me laugh, cry, smile, trust, care and love. He's everything i never wanted and everything i need. The fact is... I regret to say i've lost good friends... well not lost they are still there but a little more distant.

He did break my heart once... a wise girl would run... a silly loyal girl would give him another chance. I can't say he's a prince but he's better than the toads i've been kissing.

Bottom line. He makes me whole...and i think i may love him.

xoxo
ME

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Spring Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

Another hiatus.

I am really starting to get good at these. But... more recently it hasn't been lack of man-ventures but more not knowing how to tell you all about them.

Or him.

I guess you can say since January I have been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Meeting someone who basically changed how I look at life...  Of course it has cost me the friendship of a few certain people. I suppose when someone says do what makes you happy... I know you will make the right choice. It really means... do what I want you to do and if not you will not have my support or understanding.

Since January 2010... I have been every extreme... exrtremely happy, sad, confused, depressed and in love. Others may tell you I have been reckless and out of my mind.

If that is true then I want to embrace being reckless and out of my mind... I have never had more fun and been more happy then I have been these past four months.

I need to get back to work... but I have many updates good and bad to post.

looking forward to catching you all up! At least I hope someone is still reading this... someone? Anyone?
XOXO
**ME**

Just like that... He's Back

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I came home from work to this on good old Facebook. 

Of course I want to see him... But should I? No! Screams the smart, logical women in my body that has come down with the heart of a 12 year old girl falling in 'lust' for the first time. 

We all know what this hopeless romantic will do... 

XOXO

**ME**

The first heartbreak AKA the night of the wild grapes

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I wish I could say this was the most perfect 24hrs... but I would be lying and I would never blog about anything that wasn't true...

We had plans last night... Blue-Eyed Devil and I for the evening. Going to a quarter bingo event (basically each card is a quarter and you play bingo for the night) followed by a local bar and watching a movie and cuddling at the end of the night. The perfect date night. Being together.

What happened set us up for the worst possible scenario... It's hard even now not to cry as I am relaying this to you, because in fact... even in two months I have fallen hard for the Blue-Eyed Devil. I am absolutely in love and I'm not sure what to do right now.

I got to his place late which made us late for bingo and they were sold out of cards. Immediately, he was pissed because I didn't need to put on makeup or change clothes or stop for money. Okay, okay so how about we just go out for a nice dinner and forget about missing BINGO it is only BINGO! But no, no now he wants to go to the horse track... which we do almost every weekend. But first vodka! Of course he decides to get grape vodka... he knows I hate grape vodka (I have just decided this will be forever known as the night of wild grapes)

As the vodka flowed and we started getting emotional and down right wasted. The blue-eyed devil told me that he would ever love he... he could never love me. I brought up having sex earlier that day and that why else would we be where we were at (meeting each-others families and spending almost every waking moment together). I was drunk and he told me to leave... I would never be the one he could or would love and with a heated moment he gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.

I left and called wonder-boy. My old fling and gorgeous young guy. I went over his place and he just let me cry in his arms til I fell asleep. It's a shame we never did work out, but he was the one guy who I was truly able to count on when I needed him.

Today I got the following messages from the blue-eyed devil and I want to hold strong... I mean what else can I do? I need to move on, like I was able to from all the others, yet... I'm not sure I can or want too. It's that electric attraction...

Until next time.

XOXO

**ME**

In summary...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

I wish I had something more witty to tell you... some elaborate love story of two kindred spirits that find each other one clear night when every star could be seen in the sky. But... that would just be another fairy tale.

What I want to tell you and what I know happened are two different things. These manventures have been nothing but that... adventures... adventures of finding the wrong men in the right places and the right men at the wrong time. I could continue down the path of who I have fell for...found... and fell in bed with but you could always just watch a daytime soap. Love can't be forced or found that easily... it isn't a guessing game or timing. It is how you feel at that moment when you just know...

As a recap and to bring us all up to current date on manventure... because I have horrible insomnia tonight...

Mr. Strong and Silent...
was more silent then he was strong. Beneath the gorgeous strong exterior was a man who had no idea what was right in front of him. Our conversations were unsatisfying... he had a wall built up and I would not be the one to tear it down. Instead of learning more about each other I learned about his interest in... other people's failing relationship... both in love and friendship. I tried tirelessly to make them out to be deeper conversations then they actually were... Looking back I see what was really going on... sex.

Shallow... hot... lonely sex.

It only ended when after he asked someone else to a special engagement that I knew he would never really know me... we were never and would never really be friends. We would just be two people who from May to October had late night lonely sex... detached from emotion. Now it is March of 2010 and he will still text me late some weekend nights... but I keep it short. I can't fall into my old routine...

I deserve better.

Cougar...
I am not sure what can be done about this one. We have been sleeping together for almost 2 years on and off... he's been there when I needed him... in the physical sense. Some would call it the best of all the manventures I had... this one we both had the understanding of each others needs. But regardless of physical I could also hold conversations with the guy who made me feel like a cougar. He was intelligent and that is what drove me to want him more... he had a thirst for knowledge that was unbelievable for a guy the age of 23 and out of college. Some nights we could stay up for hours exchanging witty banter.
I never had to question where we stood with each other... until the last month. Which will be continued...

Basically... you have it there was only one other guy in the mix before thanksgiving...
The History Teacher...
he taught me if you see the same (bad) qualities in a guy(s) you have dated in the past there will probably be no future. And there was no future. The first date he did everything right... held my hand.. called me beautiful.. bought my dinner... walked the streets of the city gazing at the newly put up Christmas lights. The second date was like two old friends catching up... there was no romance... no intrigue...

That was all... pardon the pun... History... and so was he...

Randomly I was asked out by the 7 year crush who still to this date will never cease to give up and my college ex. The one guy who I let down my wall for... is the one guy who hurt me so bad that the wall is up... not for good but enough that after almost two years I still haven't found someone who really made me crazy happy...

Until recently that is...

XOXO
**ME**

Falling Fast and Hard

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

Things have been going amazing with the blue-eyed devil! We see each-other almost every day and it really seems to be we are connected! Things we have in common you ask? Same birth month, favorite sports teams (a must), love of awesome food, vodka and sex... especially the sex! Every time we see each other it is that electric connection I had first told you about. When he touches me my whole body is on fire and I just want him more each time. I'll go with lust for now... no need to drop any "L" words!

Favorite date-outings in the past month?

•  Our 2nd date (the day after the first) to a Italian restaurant. We had chicken parm, drank wine and talked about where we wanted to be in the next year.  
• Beer tasting at a local bar
• Sneaking vodka into the race track and betting on the pony's 
• Meeting his amazing friends
• A surprise get-a-way trip to New York full of snowball fights
• Date night where we drove around for an hour and found a cute hidden restaurant. We were completely under-dressed and they were out of most of the entrees we wanted, but it couldn't have been more perfect. 

Least favorite....

My friends hate him. He's loud, overbearing and really doesn't take the time to think before he speaks. They say he took advantage of me when I offered to buy the drinks when we were out... which I could understand but, we had gone on many dates before that... each of all he paid far more then I did. It's the 21st century and I guess I didn't mind catering to him. But... my friends hate him and I am absolutely head over heels! 

We are going to start playing tennis together and working out :) 

He makes me happy. Finally, I am happy. 

XOXO 

**ME**

3am I must be dreaming

July 10th

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

He's been in and out of my life now for over a year. And yet... he still captures me. Maybe because he is that dark, mysterious, and dangerous man I have been seeking for so long. Whenever I hear from him I get a rush of emotions... lonely, happy, sad... but mostly happy. That is the one thing he was always good at.

The Marine... who has been posted about A LOT. (newcomers I would suggest checking out the past posting to get caught up)

At this point I had not thought much of him... he had changed for the good or bad since he had gone back to Iraq and I was not going to be the one to bring back the man that I had first met and fell for... although I had wanted to be... he wasn't going to let me.

I woke up like every other weekday early... showered and got ready for work. I have my cellphone on a sleeper til 7 in the morning so I am not woken up in the middle of the night. I went about my normal routine and checked my cellphone and my heart came to a stand still...

1am... Missed call from the Marine
2am... Texts from the Marine... "You up babe?" "call me when you get a chance"
3am.. Missed call with a voice mail
"Hey darling... call me... **static static** leaving soon"

So I text him once I calmed down... but that was it...

I guess in my mind I was hoping it wasn't just a drunk late night I am in town call... but it was... and well strangely enough it helped me put a close to how I felt for him... his last 3am call allowed me to move on...

hopefully to BIGGER and BETTER... men


XOXO
**ME**

Three for one

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

A few days after my night with Mr. Strong and Silent. I already had three dates lined up in the month. I felt like I was up to bat three strikes and your out... let's see how they fared.
The first of the three (in June) was with the Comedian.
The second date was with the Philly phan sometime in the beginning of July
And last and well... least was with the skydiver at the end of July.

Strike one:
The Comedian caught my eye because I thought he looked like a young John Cusack in a picture... with stronger sideburns but I could imagine him outside blasting "In your eyes" in a brown trench coat from a boom box. Yes, it would still be a boom box because he was basically stuck in the 80s... a strange fascination for it and it's music. He worked only on weekends so that would be one of the first of many problems... the other being he lived almost 45 minutes away. Distance was never a problem but distance and him working every weekend... that would be something. We had been "talking" for almost a month before I went up to meet him. And well... he was nothing at all like I expected him to be. He had a big personality to make up for his small... stature... yes as in height he was as big as his personality. He was sweet and listened as much as he talked but he was also a whining, complaining little bitch.
Guys... DO NOT talk about how your ex told everyone that you were gay with your best friend. It makes for awkward silence.
This was the first and last time I would see the Comedian... he just wasn't as funny, charming or attractive in person as he was online. And that seemed to be the common theme...
Comedian... foul ball strike one!


Strike two:
The philly phan seemed more promising. He didn't talk about sex 24/7, he wasn't the center of his own world and more importantly... he loved baseball. Obviously, I am a little obsessed with it. Anyway... he unlike the comedian was a college grad and a manager of a restaurant. We made plans for dinner half way between were we lived. This worked out perfectly! Finally someone who is willing to compromise and not just want me to come to their place. Unfortunately a week before we were supposed to go out I was incredibly sick... I slowly got better but... developed a lovely cough that would take over two weeks to get rid of and lots of medication. The cough came on the date with me and the only time I wasn't coughing was when I was drinking my chocolate martini. I knew I couldn't get drunk because of working the next day so I drank it slowly after we had dinner and hoped the coughing wouldn't be too bad. As soon as I thought about it... BAM! I was a coughing mess and time for the date to be over. The date itself was ehhh... room for improvement considering I actually thought about getting drunk. Okay.. maybe a lot of room for improvement... he told me a delightful story that when he was at there (at the restaurant we were at) last time he got drunk and was cited for a DUI. PERFECT!
Guys! DO NOT talk about past run ins with the law... although girls do like bad boys. Ones that can potentially harm themselves and others are not okay in this ladies book!
He called me the next day to talk about going out again. He was going to be leaving for Alaska to visit a college friend but we would see each other after... in the interim is when I started talking to the sky diver (to discuss next).

I did hear from the philly phan when he got back from Alaska... he wanted to go to a baseball game, dinner and then he asked me to go to a wedding. We didn't do any of the above and I haven't talked to the philly phan since...
Philly Phan: BUNT! Fouled third base line... strike two

YOURRRRR OUT!As I noted above while the Philly Phan was in Alaska I had to continue my search and thus the skydiver came into play. Unfortunately he was a Mets fan which... is rules for an automatic SEEEEYA! But, I thought I would give him a try. Test him out if you would. In the beginning he was sweet, younger but seemed a little sad/moody at times. He had wanted to be in the air force and went in right after graduating from college. But... during training he hurt his back and was medically discharged. And while some people would take the good with the bad and keep on trucking... this seemed to consume his daily thoughts and actions.

It didn't take me long to see that damage was already done to this poor ex air force trainee. I am not looking to repair men that are broken... I already have enough in my life that needs it's own repair. Plus he seemed to take random upsets out on me (although we had never met... and never would meet).
The Skydiver: Bad back and all... Struck out swinging...
Summer wasn't meant for love... summer was more for
mmm....

hot, dirty... sex

XOXO
**ME**

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Happy Dating!

XOXO
**ME**

Tall, dark and handsome

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xo **ME**)

My palms are sweating. Shaking and sweating. 

It's 11pm, cold and I sat in my car staring at my cellphone. Earlier that day and week I began messaging with a new manventure. Have I ever told you how much I love that word?! Because that is all they are anymore... an adventure without the promise of a future. Tonight, I am actually excited for one of my manventures. He wanted me to meet him at a local dive bar, the type of bar I would usually never gone to unless I was completely trashed. 

Let me set up my outfit for you... I should have taken pictures! So I am in brown tights, maroon colored dress, cream cardigan and uggs... walking into a bar that girls dressed like me usually would not normally be seen.

Blue-eyed Devil: Jeans and a blue football jersey... with the bluest eyes, dark brown hair and a smile that made me melt as soon as I sat down. 

He had a gin and tonic (my choice of poison) waiting for me and as we talked I played with the straw and stirred it nervously. The last time I felt this way? Probably the Marine... but he was long gone and my feelings for him had since faded. But soon enough the nerves stopped and we made up stories about the characters at the bar; a strange man who looked like a train conductor and his side-kick that may or may not be named Tonto and a young couple seated at the bar who said far too many "I love you's". The drinks flowed and I didn't want to leave... 

What did I do?! The tell all of infamous dates... we arm-wrestled. Seriously, at our little corner bar table we arm-wrestled. Of course, I mostly did it to touch him and it was electric. That touch that in the back of your mind you wake-up and think... SO THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE!

The results? I won, so like anyone who would win arm wrestling after two okay three gin and tonics I went home with him. 

The sex was amazing and I want to see him again. We already have a second date lined up. 

I'm excited and totally in like with this blue-eyed devil. 

XOXO
**ME**

I can't sleep

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

When I started this... almost a year ago I thought maybe it would help me to read men better or help other people read them better. But really... men are like those perfect pair of stiletto heels you have been looking for everywhere. They are perfect on the outside size 7.5 red patent leather, pointed toed and adding 4 1/2 inches to your height. But when you put them on the size you normally wear hurts your feet, the heel breaks, and the red wears off not to mention you spent a fortune on them.

What does this mean to me? Well... like shoes you want your man to look perfect in your eyes but also fit into your life. And I am not talking penis size (although that does matter... don't deny it) but even on your worst days when your bloated, feeling a wreck and that noticeable huge zit appears he still finds you to be the most amazing girl in the room.

If your shoe doesn't make you feel amazing don't wear it... if a man doesn't make you feel like a princess don't bring him home. We all deserve the best and deserved to be treated like the best, cared for... adored... and loved. Then why force ourselves to believe a relationship that looks perfect but doesn't feel perfect needs to be reworked and fitted. Like those awesome $80 stilettos, you can't force your foot to grow and you can only fix the heel so many times before it is unfix-able. So why try? Why commit to a pair of shoes that won't commit to you.

For 2 years now the guy who makes me a cougar has been in my life. Two years! And some of my girlfriends say it is the perfect setup two years of non committed great sex with a crazy good looking younger guy. But for me it is about time to figure out if this is ever going to work. It has been amazing non committed sex and he's awesome but I need to think about myself now and what is working for me.

Hopefully sooner than later.

XOXO
**ME**