Just like that... He's Back

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I came home from work to this on good old Facebook. 

Of course I want to see him... But should I? No! Screams the smart, logical women in my body that has come down with the heart of a 12 year old girl falling in 'lust' for the first time. 

We all know what this hopeless romantic will do... 

XOXO

**ME**

The first heartbreak AKA the night of the wild grapes

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I wish I could say this was the most perfect 24hrs... but I would be lying and I would never blog about anything that wasn't true...

We had plans last night... Blue-Eyed Devil and I for the evening. Going to a quarter bingo event (basically each card is a quarter and you play bingo for the night) followed by a local bar and watching a movie and cuddling at the end of the night. The perfect date night. Being together.

What happened set us up for the worst possible scenario... It's hard even now not to cry as I am relaying this to you, because in fact... even in two months I have fallen hard for the Blue-Eyed Devil. I am absolutely in love and I'm not sure what to do right now.

I got to his place late which made us late for bingo and they were sold out of cards. Immediately, he was pissed because I didn't need to put on makeup or change clothes or stop for money. Okay, okay so how about we just go out for a nice dinner and forget about missing BINGO it is only BINGO! But no, no now he wants to go to the horse track... which we do almost every weekend. But first vodka! Of course he decides to get grape vodka... he knows I hate grape vodka (I have just decided this will be forever known as the night of wild grapes)

As the vodka flowed and we started getting emotional and down right wasted. The blue-eyed devil told me that he would ever love he... he could never love me. I brought up having sex earlier that day and that why else would we be where we were at (meeting each-others families and spending almost every waking moment together). I was drunk and he told me to leave... I would never be the one he could or would love and with a heated moment he gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.

I left and called wonder-boy. My old fling and gorgeous young guy. I went over his place and he just let me cry in his arms til I fell asleep. It's a shame we never did work out, but he was the one guy who I was truly able to count on when I needed him.

Today I got the following messages from the blue-eyed devil and I want to hold strong... I mean what else can I do? I need to move on, like I was able to from all the others, yet... I'm not sure I can or want too. It's that electric attraction...

Until next time.

XOXO

**ME**

In summary...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

I wish I had something more witty to tell you... some elaborate love story of two kindred spirits that find each other one clear night when every star could be seen in the sky. But... that would just be another fairy tale.

What I want to tell you and what I know happened are two different things. These manventures have been nothing but that... adventures... adventures of finding the wrong men in the right places and the right men at the wrong time. I could continue down the path of who I have fell for...found... and fell in bed with but you could always just watch a daytime soap. Love can't be forced or found that easily... it isn't a guessing game or timing. It is how you feel at that moment when you just know...

As a recap and to bring us all up to current date on manventure... because I have horrible insomnia tonight...

Mr. Strong and Silent...
was more silent then he was strong. Beneath the gorgeous strong exterior was a man who had no idea what was right in front of him. Our conversations were unsatisfying... he had a wall built up and I would not be the one to tear it down. Instead of learning more about each other I learned about his interest in... other people's failing relationship... both in love and friendship. I tried tirelessly to make them out to be deeper conversations then they actually were... Looking back I see what was really going on... sex.

Shallow... hot... lonely sex.

It only ended when after he asked someone else to a special engagement that I knew he would never really know me... we were never and would never really be friends. We would just be two people who from May to October had late night lonely sex... detached from emotion. Now it is March of 2010 and he will still text me late some weekend nights... but I keep it short. I can't fall into my old routine...

I deserve better.

Cougar...
I am not sure what can be done about this one. We have been sleeping together for almost 2 years on and off... he's been there when I needed him... in the physical sense. Some would call it the best of all the manventures I had... this one we both had the understanding of each others needs. But regardless of physical I could also hold conversations with the guy who made me feel like a cougar. He was intelligent and that is what drove me to want him more... he had a thirst for knowledge that was unbelievable for a guy the age of 23 and out of college. Some nights we could stay up for hours exchanging witty banter.
I never had to question where we stood with each other... until the last month. Which will be continued...

Basically... you have it there was only one other guy in the mix before thanksgiving...
The History Teacher...
he taught me if you see the same (bad) qualities in a guy(s) you have dated in the past there will probably be no future. And there was no future. The first date he did everything right... held my hand.. called me beautiful.. bought my dinner... walked the streets of the city gazing at the newly put up Christmas lights. The second date was like two old friends catching up... there was no romance... no intrigue...

That was all... pardon the pun... History... and so was he...

Randomly I was asked out by the 7 year crush who still to this date will never cease to give up and my college ex. The one guy who I let down my wall for... is the one guy who hurt me so bad that the wall is up... not for good but enough that after almost two years I still haven't found someone who really made me crazy happy...

Until recently that is...

XOXO
**ME**