Broken

Well my friends... it's June 9, 2011.

I'm single, back home with my parents, broken hearted and listening to Adele.

The past year and a half was a bumpy ride with a man I learned to love through his good and bad. I would never change any of it... I learned to love, work through the bad and I grew into, I think, a wiser person.

I wish he could see how much I put into us... but that doesn't matter now that he found someone new. That tends to happen with me.

I fall in love then fall on my face.

There won't be anyone else like him tho loud mouthed and crazy and bad for me. I'd give anything to have him back but instead I break down a lone in tears. A year and a half doesn't seem long but it took a lot out of me and now I need to learn to move on and try to let him go...

Here I go again... wish me luck...

XOXO
**ME**

Here we go again...

After the best year and a half, where I had learned to love and give my all... it was brought to a sudden halt. 

Here I  am again... putting myself out there to the mercy of... Dating Sites...

I wish good things would happen to good people...

XOXO

**ME**

The L Word

A post I worked on from April 6th... a joke right...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 


Well he said it... he said the "L" word. After a year of ups, downs, tears, fights, sleeping with other people. It didn't happen long after he got back from his trip down south... when he look me in the eye and said he loved me. Can it be that after a year and a half we are moving to a new level! :) He has always meant so much to me and yes, yes I love him too.

 Update..
He took it back. I can't even pretend to finish this blog and fabricate what happen. And now I am left in a empty state where somehow this man was able to reach inside me and literally rip out my heart. So now I am walking around... heartless... empty. Some days I don't even know what to feel.


XOXO

**ME**

Inspiration

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 


I am currently watching Julie & Julia and strangely enough it made me want to blog. And even tho the movie deals with cooking but also finishing things you started. Every time I meet someone new on my manventures; no matter how it turns out in the end, I learn something about myself. 


So for now I keep trying. dating, searching... but I guess first I need to either follow my head or my heart. 


Here we go again... hmmm 

What dating site should I try next? Ideas?


XOXO
**ME**

Try…try again

November 5, 2010
Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 


I've been MIA for awhile… I am aware. I wish I could tell you all I am madly in love and ready to settle down and begin a new chapter of my life, but that would be a lie. The truth is… I have been caught in "love"… or is it lust. Regardless, once again my heart is in the hands of the less deserving and I have let great opportunities slip out of my hands.

Last night a gorgeous and I mean GORGEOUS guy was at the bar. My type? You are about to find out. He was tall but not ow my neck hurts tall but perfectly tall for me (of course to wear heels or flats). He had amazing eyes, brown hair and was wearing a flannel. Oh and he has these sideburns… OH GAWDDDD the sideburns! The man had SEX written all over him. 


Now I am out of practice with this… and by out of practice I mean caught in the clutches of a man who will never love me back (this will all be explained) for the last almost 11 months. Ugh… that just sounds depressing! So back to the bar guy… who I will call John Cusack Jr (YUM)… he appeared to be alone. But, not alone in a sad drowning his sorrows in alcohol kind of way; he was just enjoying the atmosphere. It was almost like he may be new in town. So with a little liquid courage and a push from my best friend I had the bartender buy him his next beer (on me). He smiled a killer smile and I figured I would wait it out a little… see what became of the night. With some more coaxing from my girlfriends I just about mustered up the courage to talk to him when the bartender came over and asked me what I wanted to drink cause my mystery man was buying one for me!  I saw a short time after he was heading to the bathroom and I figured I would be able to run to the bathroom and make it back in time to finally get to talk to John Cusack Jr. But… when I returned I noticed nothing but a half full beer and mystery man was nowhere in sight. 


This was just one of the many chances I had in the past 11 months to find someone who may be just as interested in me, as I was in him. 


Alas, here I am, sitting across from a man who will never really care or love me as much as I do him. And yet, I am content; to some extent at least. 


You can paint your own picture or you can wait for my next blog


XOXO

**ME**


 

I give up, I give in, I let go, let’s begin

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

I had started this blog almost two years ago in the hopes that by now I would have found the man of my dreams. Unfortunately that has not happened. Lately when I am home, I watch sad love movies and fall asleep wondering if this is how life will be forever. Of course, I know it will not be.

So let me catch you all up to date... and then some.

XOXO
**ME**

Baseball and a beer

So my friends i am back... baseball and a beer or be it whatever it is. The fact is... i'm sitting at a bar watching the san fran giants game and waiting for my love monkey to stop playing poke.

love monkey? you may ask yourself... it can't be that the infamous serial blogger/internet dater has crossed over to never returning. it's been up and downs.. no doubt more ups than downs. No relationship is perfect and well perfection take the fun out of things.

We met almost 9 months ago. He's big-mouthed, annoying, a drunk, gambler, and smartest man in the whole world. Frankly, i can't see my life without him. He makes me laugh, cry, smile, trust, care and love. He's everything i never wanted and everything i need. The fact is... I regret to say i've lost good friends... well not lost they are still there but a little more distant.

He did break my heart once... a wise girl would run... a silly loyal girl would give him another chance. I can't say he's a prince but he's better than the toads i've been kissing.

Bottom line. He makes me whole...and i think i may love him.

xoxo
ME

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Spring Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

Another hiatus.

I am really starting to get good at these. But... more recently it hasn't been lack of man-ventures but more not knowing how to tell you all about them.

Or him.

I guess you can say since January I have been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Meeting someone who basically changed how I look at life...  Of course it has cost me the friendship of a few certain people. I suppose when someone says do what makes you happy... I know you will make the right choice. It really means... do what I want you to do and if not you will not have my support or understanding.

Since January 2010... I have been every extreme... exrtremely happy, sad, confused, depressed and in love. Others may tell you I have been reckless and out of my mind.

If that is true then I want to embrace being reckless and out of my mind... I have never had more fun and been more happy then I have been these past four months.

I need to get back to work... but I have many updates good and bad to post.

looking forward to catching you all up! At least I hope someone is still reading this... someone? Anyone?
XOXO
**ME**

Just like that... He's Back

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I came home from work to this on good old Facebook. 

Of course I want to see him... But should I? No! Screams the smart, logical women in my body that has come down with the heart of a 12 year old girl falling in 'lust' for the first time. 

We all know what this hopeless romantic will do... 

XOXO

**ME**

The first heartbreak AKA the night of the wild grapes

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I wish I could say this was the most perfect 24hrs... but I would be lying and I would never blog about anything that wasn't true...

We had plans last night... Blue-Eyed Devil and I for the evening. Going to a quarter bingo event (basically each card is a quarter and you play bingo for the night) followed by a local bar and watching a movie and cuddling at the end of the night. The perfect date night. Being together.

What happened set us up for the worst possible scenario... It's hard even now not to cry as I am relaying this to you, because in fact... even in two months I have fallen hard for the Blue-Eyed Devil. I am absolutely in love and I'm not sure what to do right now.

I got to his place late which made us late for bingo and they were sold out of cards. Immediately, he was pissed because I didn't need to put on makeup or change clothes or stop for money. Okay, okay so how about we just go out for a nice dinner and forget about missing BINGO it is only BINGO! But no, no now he wants to go to the horse track... which we do almost every weekend. But first vodka! Of course he decides to get grape vodka... he knows I hate grape vodka (I have just decided this will be forever known as the night of wild grapes)

As the vodka flowed and we started getting emotional and down right wasted. The blue-eyed devil told me that he would ever love he... he could never love me. I brought up having sex earlier that day and that why else would we be where we were at (meeting each-others families and spending almost every waking moment together). I was drunk and he told me to leave... I would never be the one he could or would love and with a heated moment he gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.

I left and called wonder-boy. My old fling and gorgeous young guy. I went over his place and he just let me cry in his arms til I fell asleep. It's a shame we never did work out, but he was the one guy who I was truly able to count on when I needed him.

Today I got the following messages from the blue-eyed devil and I want to hold strong... I mean what else can I do? I need to move on, like I was able to from all the others, yet... I'm not sure I can or want too. It's that electric attraction...

Until next time.

XOXO

**ME**