A New Year....

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,


Not the greatest way to ring in the new year...

"If he doesn't text...it's over" well... it definitely was good advice! Thanks friends!!

The surgical nurse did wish me a happy new year and like that it was over. The day time texts, night calls, and the butterflies in my stomach flew out in the form of tears. In fact one night he said we should talk soon and then he was gone...

He decided to disappear at a time when all I wanted was the one guy I truly had feelings for to hold me while I cried... Early January one of my high school and first hold communion partner died. I had all my friends but I wanted the nurse...I think it was then when I really realized I needed to move on.

Here's to the long country roads I won't have to take anymore

....so I moved on. You have too. Can't go back and change anything now and I realized the distance became his problem and his wall is there for someone else to try and break down.

I'd never learn to ride a bike unless I fell off a few times and I find roller coasters are more fun riding then standing on the ground watching. I got back on that unpredictable ride they call love....and not to forget the cliche saying of

"you gotta kiss a lot of toads before finding a prince".

I'm gonna keep on kissing...

So back on my site(s) I go announcing my newly found independent status once again...it's full of new exciting ventures and some old returns...
Mr. Semi-pro (he's back!)
The Marine (of course)
The divorced guy
The 34 year old
Mr. Coffee
and the teacher
....and more ;)

You will enjoy this new year of manvantures...
2009...Dating isn't a crime!!

My new rule.
Don't rule out anyone or single out anyone. This is just casual dating not a countdown to get married...well it kinda is...I wanted to be married by 27 (I'll be 25 in Sept) but I think I'll move it to 32.

Yeah...

Let's do this!


Xoxo
**ME**

If my hands stop shaking...

I will be able to type this...


the marine just text me. He's in allentown... I'm in allentown.

I have to pee i'm so excited


Xoxo
**ME**

Dear Santa send me a hot guy...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Christmas. December 2008. A joyous time of year with family, friends and snow. I love freshly fallen snow the kind that is untouched by any crazy kids or hyper dogs.

The surgical nurse becomes more and more distant and I... I am back on my dating site. Hoping he will come around and at least give me some kind of closure. I had at this point devoted a few months to a fizzling bond...which I once again can not let go. Oh a wicked spell this is...the lovebug. I..am painfully...slowly giving up without a fight. Why fight for someone who is fading. It's a lost cause.

I did take a picture (with my cellphone) of a row of Christmas trees and sent it to him...
just because he loves Christmas

Maybe...just maybe I shouldn't of opened my mouth when he was last here. Questioning him on the thought of starting a relationship.

Yet... then he calls me again. Talks about his day, hunting, and friends. I could just end it but unfortunately my friends... I can't... I could smile and pretend to be happy forever.

*****************
A few days after Christmas I received an email from the Marine. He is well. And should be home sometime this coming summer. We will see.... at least he takes my mind off of the surgical nurse every once in awhile


Xoxo
**ME**

PS. I am almost caught up only 3 months to go! haha :)

I wear my heart on my sleeve...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Three weeks (just before thanksgiving Nov.08) after the surgical nurse visited he came down again...just for the night. No, not sleeping over but to officially meet most of my best friends.

**Special Shout out**
My bests are completely amazing. Many I am sure are reading some of these wishing i would share all my juicy details of nights out...and in. But, really they can pin point the potentials and the losers. I value ALL their input. LOVE you crazy kids!

Okay so back to this. He, the surgical nurse, I was starting to become crazy...head over heels for drove down once again. This time he stopped over and exchanged some conversations on hunting and his recent decision of quitting his job. What is that? Traveling nurses instead of being stuck in surgery for hours.

We left to meet up with my friends for happy hour and some kick ass sandwiches at a small but cute bar downtown. I drove. He didn't see to mind my driving...however...he was texting like a maniac. It was always his best guy friend bitching about his girl or one of the guys at home. I figured he was telling the truth so I let it go...

My bests liked him...us...how we looked together. I was incredibly happy with him but also incredibly confused. I feel like I have opened myself up to him and always answered his questions but...he was still so distant and unwilling to open up. The too noticeable need to always be on his cell texting was beginning to get rather annoying... and tonight it was

"This girl I was talking to over the summer. I told her it was over but she doesn't get it"

Maybe it is just me...just really wanting to read his mind. Try to make sense why if he does enjoy being with me on weekends and talking to me daily...why he is so distant.

We went out after happy hour for some much needed karaoke and allow for the surgical nurse to see my night out. What happened... he sat and text most of the night. We left the bar around midnight... and with a growing ache we walked to my car. Then the question I was waiting for... What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself...
It was like a flood...or more like word vomit
I just don't know where to begin...what to say anymore. I feel like I open myself up to you everyday and you..you just have this wall. I can't even try to begin to figure you out or what this is that we are doing.
I have been hurt in the past. you know that. It isn't easy for me to break down this wall.
...
Sometimes I get.. why are you with him, he lives so far away you think it will work
it has so far. who cares what they think. I'm not saying I believe them but you are so distant with the texting... i don't know "surgical nurse"
I drove home crying. Not balling, but the classic slow tears running down my face. I wanted to suck it up so bad and not show him how much I obviously liked him but I couldn't...I felt like I was giving it all (again) for nothing.

We got back to my house.
He kissed me like he always does.
The he was gone...

Ten minutes later he called to make sure I was okay.

I said yes.

I lied.

Xoxo
**ME**

Holiday Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

After a strange break from writing I am back and currently really working on catching you all up to the present time. :)

Xoxo
**ME**

Exciting news...

Hey all!

Well I woke up almost late for woke grabbed my cell phone and...

THE MARINE... my marine! He text me... he is home.

I have been struggling with the inspiration for writing on here and well now... he's home!

I have to work butttt I will definitely keep you all updated on this...besides I am only up to November 08 in my manventure updates oh boy! sooo much to do

Xoxo
**ME**

update

Hey Friends!

Just wanted to let you know you can now email any of my blog posts! So if you see something you love, hate or reminds you of someone feel free to pass it on! :) The more readers the better.

Xoxo
**ME**

Play pretend

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

When I was little we used to have these tall bushes in my backyard by the side fence. When you crossed through them you were a princess and every frog was a prince, bunnies talked to you, and money really did grow on trees. When the bushes were cut down...frogs were still frogs, bunnies where hit by cars and money...money does NOT grow on trees.

However, talking to the surgical nurse made me feel like that little girl again. But, I missed him. It had been two weeks since I saw him...he was like a drug. I liked it, needed it...

November he came down to the LV. I didn't make it a production...infact the night before I drank way too much and was hungover. Good job!

Before anything...he met my parents. I held my breathe as they talked...they liked him. That night we went out for a steak dinner...shopped and went out for drinks at a local bar with my best friend.

...My best friend...well he's a guy. Which made this meeting pretty intense...but they were good together in fact I was made fun of by both of them.
My best said I looked happy..we looked good together but most importantly I looked happy.

I'm so happy...I found the key to my secret world when I was little...for once I felt special.

Xoxo
**ME**

I love college

A real time post for my avid nosey followers...

I went back on one of my older sites just to see if anyone new signed up...and yes, yes new people did...

He's twenty and and college student. But...his emails captivate me... They captivate me mostly because he is twenty and well...seems wise...worldly...mature for his age. Whether he is well versed in the pick-up or just a one in a million sincere guy...time will only tell.

Real emails from the past two days (personal identity information has been removed)

College boy: so...um, i rented say anything the other day only because it had john cusack in it...haha i am so gay...:-P throw in an 80's movie any night of the week....haha

Me: Hey! I loveee that movie!

College boy: lol all good...if i could sustain myself, i would never leave school...i love to read books and learn...people often times refer to me as a nerd, but hey, we have but one life to live, and so, why not understand things about it...lol and i like that you remain a mystery...how intriguing...i am going to unlock your mysteries, (my name here)....do your worst to stop me haha :-)

Me: My mysteries? Haha you must like a challenge (his name) ;)

College boy: lol, of course...warm up to me, and i open like an oyster...my pearl is nothing glamorous, but i promise i will not lie to you, or ever try to manipulate you...i recently exposed myself to quite a few things that have launched me into maturing quite rapidly...and idk, but i feel like i am missing someone to share it all with...lets be friends :-) and yes, your mysteries will be quite a challenge, but hey, it's not the climb up the mountain, but the amazing view that people remember the most...be my view, and let your mysteries be the mountain...

I can't make this up...I didn't respond yet. I wanna sound witty and interested...and smart. He's so much younger than me...but thinking of the next thing to say makes me...

Nervous...

Xoxo
**ME**

She's gone country

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

It's the Wednesday following the wedding weekend. I get to tell...well gossip to my bests about the surgical nurse with a twinkle in my eye and an extra bounce in my step.

Every day since leaving his house has I have gotten....a good morning before he goes to work, a text during his lunch, I let him know when I'm home, he calls to say what he's doing, we text til it's bedtime then we're on the phone for a half hour to a hour until I fall asleep. And the next day all over again. We talk about our family, friends, past relationships, hopes, dreams, and how much we can't wait to see each other again.

I'm spoiled..smitten...and miss him.

Who am I?

I once was all that was the perfect single girl. And now I'm stuck with my head in the clouds. That Wednesday I was at a bar eating wings and drinking beers when the surgical nurse called to see if I wanted to come up again. His best friends have a Halloween fest every year and he and they wanted me there.

Of course I went! Drove up on a rainy cold Saturday afternoon. The party was in a back yard...well...a back yard I've probably seen on...hmm blue collar comedy.

A broken down tractor...cow...goat..pigs...everyone wearing their hunting boots...yeah I was a bit city in their big country. And I loved every moment of it. They drank Keystone and chased the cow when it broke out of the yard. The bathroom...ohhh the bathroom. High quality to say the least...a extra large handicapped port-o-potty equipped with a light switch. I didn't even know they came with lights!

After the party I was muddy, cold and ready to sleep. The Surgical Nurse and I cuddled up for the night on his couch and watched the Phillies play off game til almost two in the morning.

The next day we were up early and hit up the... flea market... yeah a redneck flea market. woo hoooo! Then we went with his best friend and fiance to a pumpkin patch and apple orchard :) It was definitely a fun-filled two days with the always wonderful Surgical Nurse.

But... I know shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...

yet I still did...

Xoxo
**ME**