Get Caught Up!

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The last 4 years has really been a whirlwind of love and heartache. I wish I could have shared all of those moments with you, but I was too caught up in falling in love and having my heart broken by the same person to even blog.

Who is this mystery man who stole, broke and is repairing my heart? He is the one guy you shouldn't be with, seriously. My head tells me to run. RUN FAR! But the heart is something different. He’s self-centered, but caring. An organized mess. Unfaithful, but completely honest. And I couldn't see myself with anyone else. It’s a beautiful disaster.

Why do I do it? Don't I believe I deserve better? I know I deserve better, but I also know he is the one that makes my heart beat and palms sweet. Anyway, the last 4 years was an adventure of working out together, playing tennis... impromptu night trips to New York, multiple professional sports games, casino trips, weekends in Chicago and Philly and the most perfect birthday surprises in the world. Trips and sex do not make a relationship, but I have always felt like my best self around him. Some call it "comfortable", like it is a bad thing. I feel in lust with him fast and in love with him faster. However, my blue-eyed devil is also a self-pleasing man-whore. Our bad times included the work whore, the crazy bitch, Ms. Fed-ex and currently cat-woman. I like to refer to them as the others. And then there was always me... us. I know this all sounds like complete garbage, like I said before, I should run to the hills and not look back. I always look back and there he is with his arms open, stunning blue eyes and the magically words

"I miss you, I made a terrible mistake."

His "others"

1) The work whore - Met him the same time as I did. She thought it took 12 months to have a baby and burnt a oven ready pizza. She thought she was the only one, it was a little comical. I guess I wasn't always a saint forgetting strategically placed earrings and underwear at his place. She didn't last long, but I did.

2) The crazy bitch - I could right an entire entry about this one and I will. For the last two years she has been trying to sneak her drug hazed ass into his life... sometimes succeeding, but mostly failing. I will explain further soon because there is A LOT of issues with her.

3) Fed-Ex - She lasted all but 6 months before the blue-eyed devil realized she was nothing he needed. Leaving packages on his doorstep on days when I was coming over. My favorite was the cupcake she once left. My text to him went something like

"You just received a package on your front door. I hope it is a bomb because I just put it in the trash"

4) Cat woman - Most recently... which sadly has broken my heart. I can only say I see myself in this woman. She has fallen for the blue-eyed devil just as hard as I have and I know she won't last...

The thing is.... what all these women have in common is they do not know about me. This is stupid, I know, but the blue-eyed devil and I are not in a committed relationship and never have been. We love each other, yes... but he is not ready to an exclusive relationship. For most of you this is an outrage! How could I ever be okay with this?! How could my heart not be broken!? The answer is the for both I am not okay and it is always broken. 

Yet, I find myself stuck, because I see myself with no one else and believe me I have tried!! But... I will leave that for my next blog entry.

XOXO
**ME**

Insomnia because of him

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Really? Really?!? Can't a girl just move on and not get texts from you at 1:30 in the morning! 

And now my heart is sunk, my hands are shaking and I can't think. But, my dear supportive readers, I will not respond. I must not. I need to move on. Somehow, I must move on. 

XOXO 

**ME**

Boomerang

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 

I fell in love. 

I fell in love and then my entire world crashed on me. There is no easy way to say what happened, in fact, it was a 4 year long process of giving everything to the one man who would just take and take and take. 

I fell in love and now I hate him with the same amount of passion that I loved him with. 

Why Boomerang? Well, for those of you to know who I really am, would all agree it is the perfect analogy for who I am with him. The most perfect boomerang. His favorite toy. He would toss me... no, throw me far and just like a boomerang I would come back to him. It was always like this, but with blind love I always refused to see it.  

So with a heavy, but open heart I welcome you all back. I can't promise my manventures are going to be half as exciting as they once were, but they will be a new step into the future.


XOXO

ME

Just like that... He's Back

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I came home from work to this on good old Facebook. 

Of course I want to see him... But should I? No! Screams the smart, logical women in my body that has come down with the heart of a 12 year old girl falling in 'lust' for the first time. 

We all know what this hopeless romantic will do... 

XOXO

**ME**

The first heartbreak AKA the night of the wild grapes

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

I wish I could say this was the most perfect 24hrs... but I would be lying and I would never blog about anything that wasn't true...

We had plans last night... Blue-Eyed Devil and I for the evening. Going to a quarter bingo event (basically each card is a quarter and you play bingo for the night) followed by a local bar and watching a movie and cuddling at the end of the night. The perfect date night. Being together.

What happened set us up for the worst possible scenario... It's hard even now not to cry as I am relaying this to you, because in fact... even in two months I have fallen hard for the Blue-Eyed Devil. I am absolutely in love and I'm not sure what to do right now.

I got to his place late which made us late for bingo and they were sold out of cards. Immediately, he was pissed because I didn't need to put on makeup or change clothes or stop for money. Okay, okay so how about we just go out for a nice dinner and forget about missing BINGO it is only BINGO! But no, no now he wants to go to the horse track... which we do almost every weekend. But first vodka! Of course he decides to get grape vodka... he knows I hate grape vodka (I have just decided this will be forever known as the night of wild grapes)

As the vodka flowed and we started getting emotional and down right wasted. The blue-eyed devil told me that he would ever love he... he could never love me. I brought up having sex earlier that day and that why else would we be where we were at (meeting each-others families and spending almost every waking moment together). I was drunk and he told me to leave... I would never be the one he could or would love and with a heated moment he gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.

I left and called wonder-boy. My old fling and gorgeous young guy. I went over his place and he just let me cry in his arms til I fell asleep. It's a shame we never did work out, but he was the one guy who I was truly able to count on when I needed him.

Today I got the following messages from the blue-eyed devil and I want to hold strong... I mean what else can I do? I need to move on, like I was able to from all the others, yet... I'm not sure I can or want too. It's that electric attraction...

Until next time.

XOXO

**ME**

Falling Fast and Hard

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

Things have been going amazing with the blue-eyed devil! We see each-other almost every day and it really seems to be we are connected! Things we have in common you ask? Same birth month, favorite sports teams (a must), love of awesome food, vodka and sex... especially the sex! Every time we see each other it is that electric connection I had first told you about. When he touches me my whole body is on fire and I just want him more each time. I'll go with lust for now... no need to drop any "L" words!

Favorite date-outings in the past month?

•  Our 2nd date (the day after the first) to a Italian restaurant. We had chicken parm, drank wine and talked about where we wanted to be in the next year.  
• Beer tasting at a local bar
• Sneaking vodka into the race track and betting on the pony's 
• Meeting his amazing friends
• A surprise get-a-way trip to New York full of snowball fights
• Date night where we drove around for an hour and found a cute hidden restaurant. We were completely under-dressed and they were out of most of the entrees we wanted, but it couldn't have been more perfect. 

Least favorite....

My friends hate him. He's loud, overbearing and really doesn't take the time to think before he speaks. They say he took advantage of me when I offered to buy the drinks when we were out... which I could understand but, we had gone on many dates before that... each of all he paid far more then I did. It's the 21st century and I guess I didn't mind catering to him. But... my friends hate him and I am absolutely head over heels! 

We are going to start playing tennis together and working out :) 

He makes me happy. Finally, I am happy. 

XOXO 

**ME**

Tall, dark and handsome

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xo **ME**)

My palms are sweating. Shaking and sweating. 

It's 11pm, cold and I sat in my car staring at my cellphone. Earlier that day and week I began messaging with a new manventure. Have I ever told you how much I love that word?! Because that is all they are anymore... an adventure without the promise of a future. Tonight, I am actually excited for one of my manventures. He wanted me to meet him at a local dive bar, the type of bar I would usually never gone to unless I was completely trashed. 

Let me set up my outfit for you... I should have taken pictures! So I am in brown tights, maroon colored dress, cream cardigan and uggs... walking into a bar that girls dressed like me usually would not normally be seen.

Blue-eyed Devil: Jeans and a blue football jersey... with the bluest eyes, dark brown hair and a smile that made me melt as soon as I sat down. 

He had a gin and tonic (my choice of poison) waiting for me and as we talked I played with the straw and stirred it nervously. The last time I felt this way? Probably the Marine... but he was long gone and my feelings for him had since faded. But soon enough the nerves stopped and we made up stories about the characters at the bar; a strange man who looked like a train conductor and his side-kick that may or may not be named Tonto and a young couple seated at the bar who said far too many "I love you's". The drinks flowed and I didn't want to leave... 

What did I do?! The tell all of infamous dates... we arm-wrestled. Seriously, at our little corner bar table we arm-wrestled. Of course, I mostly did it to touch him and it was electric. That touch that in the back of your mind you wake-up and think... SO THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE!

The results? I won, so like anyone who would win arm wrestling after two okay three gin and tonics I went home with him. 

The sex was amazing and I want to see him again. We already have a second date lined up. 

I'm excited and totally in like with this blue-eyed devil. 

XOXO
**ME**