Valentine's Day Massacre

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

February... a month that is for lovers, chocolate, roses, exciting dates, and happiness...

Enter my February... a month of disappointments so bare with me and I'll get this ball rolling!

At this time I was still talking to the divorced guy, Mr. Semi pro, the teachers, and trying to find ways to just 'run into' Mr. Dimples. The 34 year old is having an early mid life crisis... apparently me looking for someone to have an actual relationship with does not coincide with his looking for a fun hook-up. surprise...SURPRISE! Oh well... the other fine gentlemen as supposed to have dates this month.

Beginning of the month I went on a second date with the divorced guy... well guess it was more of a first hook-up. After meeting some friends for dinner at a new sports bar I gathered myself together and drove to his house.

*note to self... open toed shoes are sexy but not on icy nights*

Not much more then watching a movie... a tour of his house that ended in his bedroom and then his damn dog ran around the room with my bar. Seriously?! Future exes DO NOT HOOK UP with your dog still in the room... seriously! CREEPIEST experience ever! No one likes a cold nose, hot dog breathe and their bra being played with like a chew toy... I won't even start talking about the dog! ;)
I knew this was
1) the worst "date" ever
2) I probably wouldn't see the divorced guy again... even if he wanted to see me
Now the embarrassing part... because this is a tell all blog of course...
We were laying in his bed talking... and... I farted... HA! Seriously... I am so serious.. so he called me quacks and I ended the night. He still called me to let me know he had a great night. HA... ugh ladies nothing ends a bad date like a good fart... because everyone knows farts are funny!
But seriously... I am a classy lady.

Thennn there was valentines day... I spent it going to the bar with my best guy friend... awesome... some girls get flowers I took a few shots sang you oughta know and passed out in my own bed by myself...

Usually I am not that sad about the day. You know just another day... but then I thought about the surgical nurse who's birthday happen to be on valentines day. I missed him and it is had been hard for me to move on when my heart wouldn't let me. Funny how the nicest guy I had met so far also happen to make me cry the hardest as well...

The semi pro and I tried to see each other buttt the weather had other ideas... and I am not dragging my butt an hour to see someone who won't drive down to see me. So this could be it for the semi-pro... this can't be a one sided venture and if he isn't going to try I am not going to try either.

I also had a date with the teacher... but my dear friends it is almost 1am and I should really be sleeping!

Until tomorrow

Xoxo
**ME**

Not so 'hot' for teacher

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The one thing I learned in high school (besides the normal reading, writing and mathematics) was what rooms were home for the fresh out of college hot male teachers.

Teachers... the single ones... that use dating sites; are sophisticated, intelligent and overall can hold a conversation. Well, at least through email. In person they are awkward and whiney and judging...

Well... while I was still 'with' the surgical nurse I began talking to a teacher. Harmless and if anything we started to form a bond. Once the surgical nurse... well I moved on to bigger and better things the teacher and I finally were able to go on our first date. A rather simple choice out for dinner and then if it goes well for some drinks/coffee.

He was adorably awkward and still had a slight cold which made his technical talk of computers even dorkier... The restaurant was loud, busy and they sat us by the bar. Conversation was... well I wouldn't write home about it. We did end up going out for some coffee after, a quieter atmosphere. He had... tea while I of course had coffee.

A sign, I should note; that things may not work out...
Coffee is my lifeline… one cup in the morning before work, during work and almost always after dinner. Ever since my first job at 15 I have been downing the amazing drink as if I was to not have it well I might as well not be able to function. Some people have blood coursing through their veins… my veins... well they are coursing with coffee. The point is I need a man that can handle coffee.

His conversation and demeanor was rather dull… well maybe that is an understatement. I think a lot had to do with him not feeling well, but at least I had my coffee.
Who knows if there will be a second date with this guy… I am just going to roll with the punches. Besides I have another coffee date coming up before the end of the week.

Xoxo
**ME**

A New Year....

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,


Not the greatest way to ring in the new year...

"If he doesn't text...it's over" well... it definitely was good advice! Thanks friends!!

The surgical nurse did wish me a happy new year and like that it was over. The day time texts, night calls, and the butterflies in my stomach flew out in the form of tears. In fact one night he said we should talk soon and then he was gone...

He decided to disappear at a time when all I wanted was the one guy I truly had feelings for to hold me while I cried... Early January one of my high school and first hold communion partner died. I had all my friends but I wanted the nurse...I think it was then when I really realized I needed to move on.

Here's to the long country roads I won't have to take anymore

....so I moved on. You have too. Can't go back and change anything now and I realized the distance became his problem and his wall is there for someone else to try and break down.

I'd never learn to ride a bike unless I fell off a few times and I find roller coasters are more fun riding then standing on the ground watching. I got back on that unpredictable ride they call love....and not to forget the cliche saying of

"you gotta kiss a lot of toads before finding a prince".

I'm gonna keep on kissing...

So back on my site(s) I go announcing my newly found independent status once again...it's full of new exciting ventures and some old returns...
Mr. Semi-pro (he's back!)
The Marine (of course)
The divorced guy
The 34 year old
Mr. Coffee
and the teacher
....and more ;)

You will enjoy this new year of manvantures...
2009...Dating isn't a crime!!

My new rule.
Don't rule out anyone or single out anyone. This is just casual dating not a countdown to get married...well it kinda is...I wanted to be married by 27 (I'll be 25 in Sept) but I think I'll move it to 32.

Yeah...

Let's do this!


Xoxo
**ME**

Dear Santa send me a hot guy...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Christmas. December 2008. A joyous time of year with family, friends and snow. I love freshly fallen snow the kind that is untouched by any crazy kids or hyper dogs.

The surgical nurse becomes more and more distant and I... I am back on my dating site. Hoping he will come around and at least give me some kind of closure. I had at this point devoted a few months to a fizzling bond...which I once again can not let go. Oh a wicked spell this is...the lovebug. I..am painfully...slowly giving up without a fight. Why fight for someone who is fading. It's a lost cause.

I did take a picture (with my cellphone) of a row of Christmas trees and sent it to him...
just because he loves Christmas

Maybe...just maybe I shouldn't of opened my mouth when he was last here. Questioning him on the thought of starting a relationship.

Yet... then he calls me again. Talks about his day, hunting, and friends. I could just end it but unfortunately my friends... I can't... I could smile and pretend to be happy forever.

*****************
A few days after Christmas I received an email from the Marine. He is well. And should be home sometime this coming summer. We will see.... at least he takes my mind off of the surgical nurse every once in awhile


Xoxo
**ME**

PS. I am almost caught up only 3 months to go! haha :)

I wear my heart on my sleeve...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Three weeks (just before thanksgiving Nov.08) after the surgical nurse visited he came down again...just for the night. No, not sleeping over but to officially meet most of my best friends.

**Special Shout out**
My bests are completely amazing. Many I am sure are reading some of these wishing i would share all my juicy details of nights out...and in. But, really they can pin point the potentials and the losers. I value ALL their input. LOVE you crazy kids!

Okay so back to this. He, the surgical nurse, I was starting to become crazy...head over heels for drove down once again. This time he stopped over and exchanged some conversations on hunting and his recent decision of quitting his job. What is that? Traveling nurses instead of being stuck in surgery for hours.

We left to meet up with my friends for happy hour and some kick ass sandwiches at a small but cute bar downtown. I drove. He didn't see to mind my driving...however...he was texting like a maniac. It was always his best guy friend bitching about his girl or one of the guys at home. I figured he was telling the truth so I let it go...

My bests liked him...us...how we looked together. I was incredibly happy with him but also incredibly confused. I feel like I have opened myself up to him and always answered his questions but...he was still so distant and unwilling to open up. The too noticeable need to always be on his cell texting was beginning to get rather annoying... and tonight it was

"This girl I was talking to over the summer. I told her it was over but she doesn't get it"

Maybe it is just me...just really wanting to read his mind. Try to make sense why if he does enjoy being with me on weekends and talking to me daily...why he is so distant.

We went out after happy hour for some much needed karaoke and allow for the surgical nurse to see my night out. What happened... he sat and text most of the night. We left the bar around midnight... and with a growing ache we walked to my car. Then the question I was waiting for... What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself...
It was like a flood...or more like word vomit
I just don't know where to begin...what to say anymore. I feel like I open myself up to you everyday and you..you just have this wall. I can't even try to begin to figure you out or what this is that we are doing.
I have been hurt in the past. you know that. It isn't easy for me to break down this wall.
...
Sometimes I get.. why are you with him, he lives so far away you think it will work
it has so far. who cares what they think. I'm not saying I believe them but you are so distant with the texting... i don't know "surgical nurse"
I drove home crying. Not balling, but the classic slow tears running down my face. I wanted to suck it up so bad and not show him how much I obviously liked him but I couldn't...I felt like I was giving it all (again) for nothing.

We got back to my house.
He kissed me like he always does.
The he was gone...

Ten minutes later he called to make sure I was okay.

I said yes.

I lied.

Xoxo
**ME**

Play pretend

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

When I was little we used to have these tall bushes in my backyard by the side fence. When you crossed through them you were a princess and every frog was a prince, bunnies talked to you, and money really did grow on trees. When the bushes were cut down...frogs were still frogs, bunnies where hit by cars and money...money does NOT grow on trees.

However, talking to the surgical nurse made me feel like that little girl again. But, I missed him. It had been two weeks since I saw him...he was like a drug. I liked it, needed it...

November he came down to the LV. I didn't make it a production...infact the night before I drank way too much and was hungover. Good job!

Before anything...he met my parents. I held my breathe as they talked...they liked him. That night we went out for a steak dinner...shopped and went out for drinks at a local bar with my best friend.

...My best friend...well he's a guy. Which made this meeting pretty intense...but they were good together in fact I was made fun of by both of them.
My best said I looked happy..we looked good together but most importantly I looked happy.

I'm so happy...I found the key to my secret world when I was little...for once I felt special.

Xoxo
**ME**

She's gone country

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

It's the Wednesday following the wedding weekend. I get to tell...well gossip to my bests about the surgical nurse with a twinkle in my eye and an extra bounce in my step.

Every day since leaving his house has I have gotten....a good morning before he goes to work, a text during his lunch, I let him know when I'm home, he calls to say what he's doing, we text til it's bedtime then we're on the phone for a half hour to a hour until I fall asleep. And the next day all over again. We talk about our family, friends, past relationships, hopes, dreams, and how much we can't wait to see each other again.

I'm spoiled..smitten...and miss him.

Who am I?

I once was all that was the perfect single girl. And now I'm stuck with my head in the clouds. That Wednesday I was at a bar eating wings and drinking beers when the surgical nurse called to see if I wanted to come up again. His best friends have a Halloween fest every year and he and they wanted me there.

Of course I went! Drove up on a rainy cold Saturday afternoon. The party was in a back yard...well...a back yard I've probably seen on...hmm blue collar comedy.

A broken down tractor...cow...goat..pigs...everyone wearing their hunting boots...yeah I was a bit city in their big country. And I loved every moment of it. They drank Keystone and chased the cow when it broke out of the yard. The bathroom...ohhh the bathroom. High quality to say the least...a extra large handicapped port-o-potty equipped with a light switch. I didn't even know they came with lights!

After the party I was muddy, cold and ready to sleep. The Surgical Nurse and I cuddled up for the night on his couch and watched the Phillies play off game til almost two in the morning.

The next day we were up early and hit up the... flea market... yeah a redneck flea market. woo hoooo! Then we went with his best friend and fiance to a pumpkin patch and apple orchard :) It was definitely a fun-filled two days with the always wonderful Surgical Nurse.

But... I know shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...

yet I still did...

Xoxo
**ME**

it never fails...

It never fails my friends that when I've finally gotten over all the exs and one date wonders...they wanna crawl right back where I do not want them...

My head.

Sooo sneaky with their crazy ways of driving me absolutely insane! Like the seven year awkward...never said out loud crush. Me and Mr. Seven year crush have secretly liked, loathed, and flirted with the idea that maybe we'd work out as a couple since I was a junior in high school.

We met in the trainers room of the high school. He was a football player and I was a student trainer. We met up a few times for basketball games or a quick hello while my boys pummeled his football team.

He once came over...but never told me he was allergic to dogs and left as quick as he got there...and that was basically how things went even until this day.

Usually things pan out...
We're all set to hang out thennnn.... I cancel or he cancels... He usually gets pissed and says I'm a slacking biotch. Then I say "this is why WE WILL NEVER work out" we don't talk for a few weeks then we try it again. Possibly in the hopes that one day it will.

As for now (Oct 08) it hasn't so I keep up with my manventures and my surgical nurse :)


Xoxo
**ME**

A weekend wedding

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The week went fast that crisp week in October (08) and I drove the two hours up north for the weekend wedding with the Surgical Nurse. He met me at a gas station off the highway...romantic I know! Nothing like the sweet smell of gas and old truckers. YUMMY! I followed him on twisted back mountain roads... I almost drove off the road twice to take in the scenery.

His house (well...okay his parents house) was a home I only dreamed about living in... made of brick and wood, set back on a long stone driveway back in the mountains. It overlooked a beautiful scenic view of the autumn colors on the mountain side.

I met his dad as I walked into the house. Funny enough our fathers work for the same company and know some of the same people. He was very accommodating and made me feel very welcome. Then the surgical nurse and I left for the evening...it wasn't anything extraordinary he took me out for dinner then we bought a movie to watch back at his house. We watched the movie til I almost fell asleep laying on his lap. He woke me up to take me to his room where his mom put new sheets on the bed for me...and like a gentleman kissed me. He slept down on the couch that night.

The next morning I woke up to a hot cup of coffee made for me by his dad and got ready to go to the wedding. The weather was perfect for a wedding...blue skies, a light breeze and a wonderful date. The surgical nurses friends got married on a golf course and the reception was on the premises as were all the not so lovely hotel rooms! owww owwwww

His friends were nothing like him standing 6ft tall with slim athletic builds all with girlfriends...except for one slightly dim-witted meat headed who seemed to hit on everything that moved. The wedding was something to remember... dancing, drinking, meeting all of the surgical nurses closest friends. The only thing that got a little annoying is that HE IS CONSTANTLY on his damn cellphone. Texting...checking the highlights from games... whatever else men do with cellphones, but I can't be too upset about it. This was just our second date...well third if you count the Friday... and Sunday was then the fourth. But, there wasn't anything I could pinpoint that I didn't like about him.

My favorite is when he kisses me.

Xoxo
**ME**

I have to ask you something...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

In most circumstances no likes to hear... "We need to talk", "I have to ask/tell you something". In my experience it means, yeah I forgot to tell you I have another girlfriend or this is just going to be a friends with benefits thing. Anyway... This was nothing like it.

The monday after my first sneezy date with the surgical nurse he called me. Now...I must set this up a little better. For my friends who know there was not a minute when I wasn't talking to him, texting him, talking about him...and all but two days after the first date. I should have had an air mattress because friends...

I was falling HARD.

My mom says you'll know as soon as you meet someone and well I knew I wanted to talk to him morning noon and night.

That monday night when he said I have to ask you something...I wanted to throw up. Already? Here it comes another GREAT letdown to put in the books...

There is a wedding next weekend..will you be my date.

Mmm.... Yes! Of course! In a heartbeat.

Great! You'll meet my parents...best friends...their parents...

I had to secretly stop and breathe.

5 days till I get a whole weekend with the surgical nurse...I can't help but feel a little guilty about being sooo happy but not thinking about the Marine...

But then the weekend may be a complete disaster...

Xoxo
**ME**

Sick on the first date

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

A week later the surgical nurse and I decided to have dinner. Then...my body decided I was going to get sick. But, I didn't let the sniffles pull me away from maybe meeting the one toad that turns into a prince.

For the record. I don't like princes, but I could always change my mind.

The nurse decided to come down that saturday night dinner and drinks. He already scored a few points when I learned we lived two hours apart. Wow...for me. Incredible.

He got to my house and there he was about 5'11", blue eyes, blond hair, nicely put together with... A PHILLIES HAT! Which must have been some kind of sin since he likes the stinkin mets.

I took him to a great classy local sports bar for dinner. It was awkward at all. In fact, I never felt more like myself being out with him. The night wrapped up and we went back to my place where we sat on the couch and watched baseball. By 1230am I'm beat and he still needs to drive two hours. Walking him to the door I gave him a goodnight kiss. He left. I almost ran out to his car to kiss him again but I didn't want to be dramatic.

He text me when he got home. Safe, sound, and hoped to see me again.

He definitely will...

Xoxo
**ME**

The start of something...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

September started rolling out...as did emails and my potential men. I unfortunately let my ex in briefly. Always a mistake...he is an EX for a reason! What was I thinking..oh yea...I'm head over heels for him even though when I look at him I wanna claw his eyes out.

I worked an extra job for some family friends. Anddd I got an email from the surgical nurse! We exchanged cell numbers and text until my cell died

He's so much different from the other guys. He's kind, honest, has goals and dreams...he doesn't bug me like crazy to meet him or send pictures. He's soo down to earth and has a great relationship with family and friends.

My cellphone charges back up after a long day and night working. I decide to give this mystery man a call see what his conversing skills are like...well they were pretty good. We talked for two hours that night. He wants to come down to meet me. Maybe next weekend :)

Keep ya updated!
**ME**

Hmm maybe there is a good reason he is...semi-pro

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The semi-pro text me while I was at a minor league baseball game with my cousin in late august 08... He wants me to come see him...he bought me a gift of some sort. He can be a little pushy, demending, but he is very veerrryyy focused on me.

Well...so I think at least.

It is always babe...baby...hun with him. I know they can be terms of endearment, but from my experience it's a clever way of not saying the wrong name. Yeah well...

He's moving for his job and will be about an hour from me. Which would not be a big deal if he didn't ask me to come visit on weekdays...we need a compromise and I have yet to get that with him.
I really need to think things through with this guy.

In other news!!! Early september I started emailing this new guy. He's 25, a surgical nurse, played Lax in college and is just really down to earth. He lives about two hours away so I don't know...I won't get his name tattood on me any time soon!

Xoxo
**ME**