Hooked

**September 20, 2014**

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

First date with the engineer went... well it went... I was infatuated with his intelligence, drive and the fact that he wasn't too overly New York.  

As fast as the text messaging exchange started it stop. Maybe because I wouldn't sleep with him. Maybe because he talked about his ex during our date. Maybe because it wasn't even a FUCKING DATE.

RANT! I drove almost two hours to a place in New York I have never been and figured I would never see again. There was no dinner. There was no drinks. I sat in a living room while he awkwardly tried to make out with me the entire night. Also he totally smelled like garlic and reminded me of a guy I work with... it just didn't add up to success.

My #marriedbymonday fantasy didn't add up. And that is why I was on hiatus since September. Falling in love and falling in lust. Two different things. I'm over the lust and ready for love... unfortunately there are far too many frogs for me to kiss. 

      Pucker Up! 

XOXO

**ME**

Dating Yourself

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Recently, I have found it increasing harder to find quality men for potential manventures on my dating sites. I fear... they have caught on, found my blog and are probably writing one themselves. Most likely they have named it things like -- Douche from Doucheville or The Incredible Shrinking Penis. Or quite possibly I have set my bar WAY to high, to an unachievable level of man that doesn't exist! But then it also struck me... I am not completely happy with where I am in my life so how can I be happy with someone else's mess introduced into mine. 

This is my Hot Mess Express and no, sir, you are not welcome to ride this ride. 

Happiness in the single life vs in the dating life. The key? Don't lose yourself!

It is so easy to be swept up by your new love, significant other, new and old friends, potential in-laws that you forget the most important person. YOU! Whether the case is you are single, dating or married; we all must remember to date ourselves, even if it is once a week. 

I will not lie, I definitely fell of the wagon and lost myself. For the entire winter it seems I stopped doing things I enjoy for the benefit of others happiness. Even the smallest of things like this blog--which I started up again in fuller swing around the new year, to an even bigger thing like the gym... my waist seriously hurts when I say that! 

So what am I doing about this? 

Here are two major things I am doing to "date" me again:

**ME** "dating" the Gym

I am going to back to what made me happy. My awesome pink swarovski bassbuds (purchased on groupon! OBSESSED), bright neon tanks, black yoga pants, 45 mins on the elliptical, 10lb kettlebells and my three very favorite 30 day challenges (Seen Below)! Plus my bonus chocolate mint protein shake after my workouts, yum! I loved using my gym as an outlet for my life stresses. Besides getting hit on by the sweaty old guy with a midlife crisis or the lesbian by the weights is always a perk... or just motivation to not stop!

**ME** Dating my Intelligence

I love my job, don't get me wrong but there are bigger and better things out there for me. So looking into advancing my degree! Fingers crossed!

Reading! I used to go to Starbucks or Panera every Wednesday after work, have a coffee and read for at least 45 minutes. It brought my stress level down and helped the creative juices to flow. So even if it isn't at a coffee shop I need to find time to shut out the world, silent my cellphone and read. PS any reading suggestions are greatly appreciated

Well, I am now going to have a **ME** date with my pillow -- I will leave you with my burning question to you, my fabulous readers.

How do you "Me" Date?

XOXO

**ME**

Question -- What do you look for in a man?

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

"What do you look for in a man?"

This seems to be one of the first thing I am always asked when going through the brutal task of online dating site question and answers. 

My answer?  Do you want the cookie cutter version or what I really want to say... I will give you both. 

Cookie cutter

Someguy123: What do you look for in a man?

Desperately_looking (aka ME): I like an intelligent guy. Someone who can teach me things but also likes to learn from me. A nice guy (cough cough) who likes adventure. I like tall, athletic guys with a nice smile and preferably older than I am. But, looks don't matter all that much as long as he makes me laugh.

What I really want to say
Dreamguy16: Hey, what do you look for in a man?

Yourfuturewifey: A strong man. A man who loves his job no matter what that job is... I really want someone who will challenge my intelligence and I can do the same for him. Someone tall... blue eyes and dark hair are a plus! I need someone with a strong sex drive and who wants to experiment and enjoy every inch of our bodies (Yes, I am aware that sounds slutty). A man to enjoy watching sports with, eating terrible food and drinking vodka, but will also work out with me. I want a good man... a man that can look at me in the crazy hours of the morning and tell me I am beautiful. Someone that I can fight with, who can hold his own in an argument and we'd still find our way back into each-others arms.

What I really want to say is that I already have that guy... had that guy and he can't be what I need him to be.

Faithful. Selfless. Committed. 

Sometimes, what you want and what you need have to be two completely different things.

XOXO
**ME**

Merry Christmas

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 

This Christmas amazing things have been happening. Rekindling the magic of an old love for one... something that may or may not be a good thing. The one thing I know I must do is follow my heart and that is something  not all of you may agree with. 

I have put off trying any online dating sites during the holidays because of the following:

1. Guys are lonely and desperate 
2. My heart isn't in it
3. THE SAME OLD SHIT. 

What is the same old shit? 

The same guys that have contacted me in the past. 

        Just because you have a beard now does not mean I want to ride it. 

Do you have any other pictures?

        I have 10 that are frequently updated. I refuse to send you titty shots so please. Stop. Do us all a favor and stop. 

Have I seen you around before? 

        Uh... maybe? But if you are so interested in me behind a computer screen I highly doubt you will be that interesting in person. Grow balls, be a man and introduce yourself.

Does it get any easier? Am I doomed to be the single friend forever? It comes so fucking easy for everyone else. 

I miss my blue-eyed devil. The fights, the making up... making out, his smile, his intellect, how he challenges me. But round 5 with the same guy? Not sure I have much more patience left. And I know it is wrong, but it feels so right!

Dear Santa,

I want him for Christmas.

Love, 

XOXO

**ME**

 

Mini update

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 

I'm a completely beautiful mess. A lush. A women who's incomplete life seems to have finally begun to make sense. In this moment, right now, I am happy. 

There is no man behind this feeling. For once... 

But, when is the right time to get back out into the dating world after 4 years was throw out the window? When do I hop back on the dating site train?

If anyone is out there? If anyone is still reading this... help! 

XOXO
**ME**

Food For Thought

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 

I would like to thank a very amazing friend for finding me this poem. 

XoXo

ME

Boomerang

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 

I fell in love. 

I fell in love and then my entire world crashed on me. There is no easy way to say what happened, in fact, it was a 4 year long process of giving everything to the one man who would just take and take and take. 

I fell in love and now I hate him with the same amount of passion that I loved him with. 

Why Boomerang? Well, for those of you to know who I really am, would all agree it is the perfect analogy for who I am with him. The most perfect boomerang. His favorite toy. He would toss me... no, throw me far and just like a boomerang I would come back to him. It was always like this, but with blind love I always refused to see it.  

So with a heavy, but open heart I welcome you all back. I can't promise my manventures are going to be half as exciting as they once were, but they will be a new step into the future.


XOXO

ME

I give up, I give in, I let go, let’s begin

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

I had started this blog almost two years ago in the hopes that by now I would have found the man of my dreams. Unfortunately that has not happened. Lately when I am home, I watch sad love movies and fall asleep wondering if this is how life will be forever. Of course, I know it will not be.

So let me catch you all up to date... and then some.

XOXO
**ME**

Spring Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

Another hiatus.

I am really starting to get good at these. But... more recently it hasn't been lack of man-ventures but more not knowing how to tell you all about them.

Or him.

I guess you can say since January I have been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Meeting someone who basically changed how I look at life...  Of course it has cost me the friendship of a few certain people. I suppose when someone says do what makes you happy... I know you will make the right choice. It really means... do what I want you to do and if not you will not have my support or understanding.

Since January 2010... I have been every extreme... exrtremely happy, sad, confused, depressed and in love. Others may tell you I have been reckless and out of my mind.

If that is true then I want to embrace being reckless and out of my mind... I have never had more fun and been more happy then I have been these past four months.

I need to get back to work... but I have many updates good and bad to post.

looking forward to catching you all up! At least I hope someone is still reading this... someone? Anyone?
XOXO
**ME**

Falling Fast and Hard

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xoxo **ME**)

Things have been going amazing with the blue-eyed devil! We see each-other almost every day and it really seems to be we are connected! Things we have in common you ask? Same birth month, favorite sports teams (a must), love of awesome food, vodka and sex... especially the sex! Every time we see each other it is that electric connection I had first told you about. When he touches me my whole body is on fire and I just want him more each time. I'll go with lust for now... no need to drop any "L" words!

Favorite date-outings in the past month?

•  Our 2nd date (the day after the first) to a Italian restaurant. We had chicken parm, drank wine and talked about where we wanted to be in the next year.  
• Beer tasting at a local bar
• Sneaking vodka into the race track and betting on the pony's 
• Meeting his amazing friends
• A surprise get-a-way trip to New York full of snowball fights
• Date night where we drove around for an hour and found a cute hidden restaurant. We were completely under-dressed and they were out of most of the entrees we wanted, but it couldn't have been more perfect. 

Least favorite....

My friends hate him. He's loud, overbearing and really doesn't take the time to think before he speaks. They say he took advantage of me when I offered to buy the drinks when we were out... which I could understand but, we had gone on many dates before that... each of all he paid far more then I did. It's the 21st century and I guess I didn't mind catering to him. But... my friends hate him and I am absolutely head over heels! 

We are going to start playing tennis together and working out :) 

He makes me happy. Finally, I am happy. 

XOXO 

**ME**

Facebook!

You can now be a fan of Chronicoles of a Dating Site Junkie on FACEBOOK! Just click on the 'become a fan' widget on the sidebar :)

Happy Dating!

XOXO
**ME**

Tall, dark and handsome

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband, 
(This blog was in draft and has been back-dated and FINALLY published! xo **ME**)

My palms are sweating. Shaking and sweating. 

It's 11pm, cold and I sat in my car staring at my cellphone. Earlier that day and week I began messaging with a new manventure. Have I ever told you how much I love that word?! Because that is all they are anymore... an adventure without the promise of a future. Tonight, I am actually excited for one of my manventures. He wanted me to meet him at a local dive bar, the type of bar I would usually never gone to unless I was completely trashed. 

Let me set up my outfit for you... I should have taken pictures! So I am in brown tights, maroon colored dress, cream cardigan and uggs... walking into a bar that girls dressed like me usually would not normally be seen.

Blue-eyed Devil: Jeans and a blue football jersey... with the bluest eyes, dark brown hair and a smile that made me melt as soon as I sat down. 

He had a gin and tonic (my choice of poison) waiting for me and as we talked I played with the straw and stirred it nervously. The last time I felt this way? Probably the Marine... but he was long gone and my feelings for him had since faded. But soon enough the nerves stopped and we made up stories about the characters at the bar; a strange man who looked like a train conductor and his side-kick that may or may not be named Tonto and a young couple seated at the bar who said far too many "I love you's". The drinks flowed and I didn't want to leave... 

What did I do?! The tell all of infamous dates... we arm-wrestled. Seriously, at our little corner bar table we arm-wrestled. Of course, I mostly did it to touch him and it was electric. That touch that in the back of your mind you wake-up and think... SO THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE!

The results? I won, so like anyone who would win arm wrestling after two okay three gin and tonics I went home with him. 

The sex was amazing and I want to see him again. We already have a second date lined up. 

I'm excited and totally in like with this blue-eyed devil. 

XOXO
**ME**

I can't sleep

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

When I started this... almost a year ago I thought maybe it would help me to read men better or help other people read them better. But really... men are like those perfect pair of stiletto heels you have been looking for everywhere. They are perfect on the outside size 7.5 red patent leather, pointed toed and adding 4 1/2 inches to your height. But when you put them on the size you normally wear hurts your feet, the heel breaks, and the red wears off not to mention you spent a fortune on them.

What does this mean to me? Well... like shoes you want your man to look perfect in your eyes but also fit into your life. And I am not talking penis size (although that does matter... don't deny it) but even on your worst days when your bloated, feeling a wreck and that noticeable huge zit appears he still finds you to be the most amazing girl in the room.

If your shoe doesn't make you feel amazing don't wear it... if a man doesn't make you feel like a princess don't bring him home. We all deserve the best and deserved to be treated like the best, cared for... adored... and loved. Then why force ourselves to believe a relationship that looks perfect but doesn't feel perfect needs to be reworked and fitted. Like those awesome $80 stilettos, you can't force your foot to grow and you can only fix the heel so many times before it is unfix-able. So why try? Why commit to a pair of shoes that won't commit to you.

For 2 years now the guy who makes me a cougar has been in my life. Two years! And some of my girlfriends say it is the perfect setup two years of non committed great sex with a crazy good looking younger guy. But for me it is about time to figure out if this is ever going to work. It has been amazing non committed sex and he's awesome but I need to think about myself now and what is working for me.

Hopefully sooner than later.

XOXO
**ME**

Love rap?

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Last night I received this rap/email from a guy on my dating site... all I can say is ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Hey Babygirl

Looking good, I like your style and pretty smile. I'd love to spend some time together, day or night in any whether. An exciting fun romantic date, one things for sure I won’t be late. Your beautiful face and sexy body are exactly my type and ill surely treat ya right. I'm a man that will grant your wishes, make you smile and wash the dishes. Tell you what I really feel and always be for real. Make you weak and be your freak, kiss your lips down to your feet and drink your cherry wine cause your body is all mine. I'm looking for someone to cherish and adore, I'm the man that can give you more. I'll make love to you the way you deserve and honor my precious loving words. I'll be the one to kiss your tears away, hold you close until your okay. Please don't forget I'm here, in my arms you will have no fear. I'll be waiting for your reply, in your hands my heart does lye. I know its hard but you make be blush, one look at you was an instant crush. Tell me what you think, so we can have a drink, watch a movie or take a ride, eat some food or just sit inside. I want to get to know you better, for you sweetheart this is my love letter.

Peace and Love
XOXO

AAAahhhhahahahaha

XOXO
**ME**

A childhood relapse...

I love being one of the youngest employees at work. The insights of all the women here is so amazing and to see their struggles and how much they accomplished of themselves and with their children is mind blowing. Now some of them in their 40s and 50s refuse to do any dating and prefer to have one male friend (with benefits of course) and it made me think how did I become this twenty-something amazing women who is so set on finding the love of my life no matter how many frogs I have to make out with... cause seriously we all can read I just don't 'kiss'.

I remember...
standing on stage in preschool and announcing I was going to be a nurse... not exactly what I do today but pretty damn close.

standing on the 'wall' in 1st grade because this boy kissed me on the cheek on valentine's day and I hit him in the face and made him cry...

having my first 'boyfriend' in fifth grade after he used my Lisa Frank paper to ask me to the 5th grade dance...then breaking up at the dance only to start 'dating' his friend...

and another

and another...

dating a guy in 7th grade just to be able to date one of his friends... then finding out that the new guy re gifted a necklace he gave me.. so I cut it up at lunch and threw it at him

my first kiss and getting in trouble at 8th grade dances...

falling in 'love' for the first time in 9th grade with a guy some people would say takes a special person to stand...

Watching Before Sunrise, 16 Candles, Say Anything and When Harry Met Sally over and over again wishing every teenage boy was John Cusack

getting my heartbroken in cars...
having my trust broken in cars...

dating my best friend and never talking to him again...

going through crush after crush... hook up after hook up...

falling in love in college and finding out the guy I gave up everything too was cheating on me the whole time...

being in denial about falling for my best friend and putting a huge hole in the friendship...

which brings me up to today...
hoping, waiting... wishing the next time the phone rings...the text message sounds...the next email I receive I'll be done looking

so future husband if you are reading this... I am not dating for this blog I am dating to find you

I won't give up and I won't be in my 40s with a friend with benefits

Xoxo
**ME**

Holiday Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

After a strange break from writing I am back and currently really working on catching you all up to the present time. :)

Xoxo
**ME**

update

Hey Friends!

Just wanted to let you know you can now email any of my blog posts! So if you see something you love, hate or reminds you of someone feel free to pass it on! :) The more readers the better.

Xoxo
**ME**