I wear my heart on my sleeve...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

Three weeks (just before thanksgiving Nov.08) after the surgical nurse visited he came down again...just for the night. No, not sleeping over but to officially meet most of my best friends.

**Special Shout out**
My bests are completely amazing. Many I am sure are reading some of these wishing i would share all my juicy details of nights out...and in. But, really they can pin point the potentials and the losers. I value ALL their input. LOVE you crazy kids!

Okay so back to this. He, the surgical nurse, I was starting to become crazy...head over heels for drove down once again. This time he stopped over and exchanged some conversations on hunting and his recent decision of quitting his job. What is that? Traveling nurses instead of being stuck in surgery for hours.

We left to meet up with my friends for happy hour and some kick ass sandwiches at a small but cute bar downtown. I drove. He didn't see to mind my driving...however...he was texting like a maniac. It was always his best guy friend bitching about his girl or one of the guys at home. I figured he was telling the truth so I let it go...

My bests liked him...us...how we looked together. I was incredibly happy with him but also incredibly confused. I feel like I have opened myself up to him and always answered his questions but...he was still so distant and unwilling to open up. The too noticeable need to always be on his cell texting was beginning to get rather annoying... and tonight it was

"This girl I was talking to over the summer. I told her it was over but she doesn't get it"

Maybe it is just me...just really wanting to read his mind. Try to make sense why if he does enjoy being with me on weekends and talking to me daily...why he is so distant.

We went out after happy hour for some much needed karaoke and allow for the surgical nurse to see my night out. What happened... he sat and text most of the night. We left the bar around midnight... and with a growing ache we walked to my car. Then the question I was waiting for... What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself...
It was like a flood...or more like word vomit
I just don't know where to begin...what to say anymore. I feel like I open myself up to you everyday and you..you just have this wall. I can't even try to begin to figure you out or what this is that we are doing.
I have been hurt in the past. you know that. It isn't easy for me to break down this wall.
...
Sometimes I get.. why are you with him, he lives so far away you think it will work
it has so far. who cares what they think. I'm not saying I believe them but you are so distant with the texting... i don't know "surgical nurse"
I drove home crying. Not balling, but the classic slow tears running down my face. I wanted to suck it up so bad and not show him how much I obviously liked him but I couldn't...I felt like I was giving it all (again) for nothing.

We got back to my house.
He kissed me like he always does.
The he was gone...

Ten minutes later he called to make sure I was okay.

I said yes.

I lied.

Xoxo
**ME**

Holiday Hiatus

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future ex's and my future husband,

After a strange break from writing I am back and currently really working on catching you all up to the present time. :)

Xoxo
**ME**

Exciting news...

Hey all!

Well I woke up almost late for woke grabbed my cell phone and...

THE MARINE... my marine! He text me... he is home.

I have been struggling with the inspiration for writing on here and well now... he's home!

I have to work butttt I will definitely keep you all updated on this...besides I am only up to November 08 in my manventure updates oh boy! sooo much to do

Xoxo
**ME**

update

Hey Friends!

Just wanted to let you know you can now email any of my blog posts! So if you see something you love, hate or reminds you of someone feel free to pass it on! :) The more readers the better.

Xoxo
**ME**

Play pretend

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

When I was little we used to have these tall bushes in my backyard by the side fence. When you crossed through them you were a princess and every frog was a prince, bunnies talked to you, and money really did grow on trees. When the bushes were cut down...frogs were still frogs, bunnies where hit by cars and money...money does NOT grow on trees.

However, talking to the surgical nurse made me feel like that little girl again. But, I missed him. It had been two weeks since I saw him...he was like a drug. I liked it, needed it...

November he came down to the LV. I didn't make it a production...infact the night before I drank way too much and was hungover. Good job!

Before anything...he met my parents. I held my breathe as they talked...they liked him. That night we went out for a steak dinner...shopped and went out for drinks at a local bar with my best friend.

...My best friend...well he's a guy. Which made this meeting pretty intense...but they were good together in fact I was made fun of by both of them.
My best said I looked happy..we looked good together but most importantly I looked happy.

I'm so happy...I found the key to my secret world when I was little...for once I felt special.

Xoxo
**ME**

I love college

A real time post for my avid nosey followers...

I went back on one of my older sites just to see if anyone new signed up...and yes, yes new people did...

He's twenty and and college student. But...his emails captivate me... They captivate me mostly because he is twenty and well...seems wise...worldly...mature for his age. Whether he is well versed in the pick-up or just a one in a million sincere guy...time will only tell.

Real emails from the past two days (personal identity information has been removed)

College boy: so...um, i rented say anything the other day only because it had john cusack in it...haha i am so gay...:-P throw in an 80's movie any night of the week....haha

Me: Hey! I loveee that movie!

College boy: lol all good...if i could sustain myself, i would never leave school...i love to read books and learn...people often times refer to me as a nerd, but hey, we have but one life to live, and so, why not understand things about it...lol and i like that you remain a mystery...how intriguing...i am going to unlock your mysteries, (my name here)....do your worst to stop me haha :-)

Me: My mysteries? Haha you must like a challenge (his name) ;)

College boy: lol, of course...warm up to me, and i open like an oyster...my pearl is nothing glamorous, but i promise i will not lie to you, or ever try to manipulate you...i recently exposed myself to quite a few things that have launched me into maturing quite rapidly...and idk, but i feel like i am missing someone to share it all with...lets be friends :-) and yes, your mysteries will be quite a challenge, but hey, it's not the climb up the mountain, but the amazing view that people remember the most...be my view, and let your mysteries be the mountain...

I can't make this up...I didn't respond yet. I wanna sound witty and interested...and smart. He's so much younger than me...but thinking of the next thing to say makes me...

Nervous...

Xoxo
**ME**

She's gone country

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

It's the Wednesday following the wedding weekend. I get to tell...well gossip to my bests about the surgical nurse with a twinkle in my eye and an extra bounce in my step.

Every day since leaving his house has I have gotten....a good morning before he goes to work, a text during his lunch, I let him know when I'm home, he calls to say what he's doing, we text til it's bedtime then we're on the phone for a half hour to a hour until I fall asleep. And the next day all over again. We talk about our family, friends, past relationships, hopes, dreams, and how much we can't wait to see each other again.

I'm spoiled..smitten...and miss him.

Who am I?

I once was all that was the perfect single girl. And now I'm stuck with my head in the clouds. That Wednesday I was at a bar eating wings and drinking beers when the surgical nurse called to see if I wanted to come up again. His best friends have a Halloween fest every year and he and they wanted me there.

Of course I went! Drove up on a rainy cold Saturday afternoon. The party was in a back yard...well...a back yard I've probably seen on...hmm blue collar comedy.

A broken down tractor...cow...goat..pigs...everyone wearing their hunting boots...yeah I was a bit city in their big country. And I loved every moment of it. They drank Keystone and chased the cow when it broke out of the yard. The bathroom...ohhh the bathroom. High quality to say the least...a extra large handicapped port-o-potty equipped with a light switch. I didn't even know they came with lights!

After the party I was muddy, cold and ready to sleep. The Surgical Nurse and I cuddled up for the night on his couch and watched the Phillies play off game til almost two in the morning.

The next day we were up early and hit up the... flea market... yeah a redneck flea market. woo hoooo! Then we went with his best friend and fiance to a pumpkin patch and apple orchard :) It was definitely a fun-filled two days with the always wonderful Surgical Nurse.

But... I know shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...

yet I still did...

Xoxo
**ME**

it never fails...

It never fails my friends that when I've finally gotten over all the exs and one date wonders...they wanna crawl right back where I do not want them...

My head.

Sooo sneaky with their crazy ways of driving me absolutely insane! Like the seven year awkward...never said out loud crush. Me and Mr. Seven year crush have secretly liked, loathed, and flirted with the idea that maybe we'd work out as a couple since I was a junior in high school.

We met in the trainers room of the high school. He was a football player and I was a student trainer. We met up a few times for basketball games or a quick hello while my boys pummeled his football team.

He once came over...but never told me he was allergic to dogs and left as quick as he got there...and that was basically how things went even until this day.

Usually things pan out...
We're all set to hang out thennnn.... I cancel or he cancels... He usually gets pissed and says I'm a slacking biotch. Then I say "this is why WE WILL NEVER work out" we don't talk for a few weeks then we try it again. Possibly in the hopes that one day it will.

As for now (Oct 08) it hasn't so I keep up with my manventures and my surgical nurse :)


Xoxo
**ME**

A weekend wedding

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

The week went fast that crisp week in October (08) and I drove the two hours up north for the weekend wedding with the Surgical Nurse. He met me at a gas station off the highway...romantic I know! Nothing like the sweet smell of gas and old truckers. YUMMY! I followed him on twisted back mountain roads... I almost drove off the road twice to take in the scenery.

His house (well...okay his parents house) was a home I only dreamed about living in... made of brick and wood, set back on a long stone driveway back in the mountains. It overlooked a beautiful scenic view of the autumn colors on the mountain side.

I met his dad as I walked into the house. Funny enough our fathers work for the same company and know some of the same people. He was very accommodating and made me feel very welcome. Then the surgical nurse and I left for the evening...it wasn't anything extraordinary he took me out for dinner then we bought a movie to watch back at his house. We watched the movie til I almost fell asleep laying on his lap. He woke me up to take me to his room where his mom put new sheets on the bed for me...and like a gentleman kissed me. He slept down on the couch that night.

The next morning I woke up to a hot cup of coffee made for me by his dad and got ready to go to the wedding. The weather was perfect for a wedding...blue skies, a light breeze and a wonderful date. The surgical nurses friends got married on a golf course and the reception was on the premises as were all the not so lovely hotel rooms! owww owwwww

His friends were nothing like him standing 6ft tall with slim athletic builds all with girlfriends...except for one slightly dim-witted meat headed who seemed to hit on everything that moved. The wedding was something to remember... dancing, drinking, meeting all of the surgical nurses closest friends. The only thing that got a little annoying is that HE IS CONSTANTLY on his damn cellphone. Texting...checking the highlights from games... whatever else men do with cellphones, but I can't be too upset about it. This was just our second date...well third if you count the Friday... and Sunday was then the fourth. But, there wasn't anything I could pinpoint that I didn't like about him.

My favorite is when he kisses me.

Xoxo
**ME**

I have to ask you something...

Hi again avid followers, newcomers, future exes and my future husband,

In most circumstances no likes to hear... "We need to talk", "I have to ask/tell you something". In my experience it means, yeah I forgot to tell you I have another girlfriend or this is just going to be a friends with benefits thing. Anyway... This was nothing like it.

The monday after my first sneezy date with the surgical nurse he called me. Now...I must set this up a little better. For my friends who know there was not a minute when I wasn't talking to him, texting him, talking about him...and all but two days after the first date. I should have had an air mattress because friends...

I was falling HARD.

My mom says you'll know as soon as you meet someone and well I knew I wanted to talk to him morning noon and night.

That monday night when he said I have to ask you something...I wanted to throw up. Already? Here it comes another GREAT letdown to put in the books...

There is a wedding next weekend..will you be my date.

Mmm.... Yes! Of course! In a heartbeat.

Great! You'll meet my parents...best friends...their parents...

I had to secretly stop and breathe.

5 days till I get a whole weekend with the surgical nurse...I can't help but feel a little guilty about being sooo happy but not thinking about the Marine...

But then the weekend may be a complete disaster...

Xoxo
**ME**